Do you feel that fire radiating from matt's crotch for you
Gross. gingers suck
I gave up sex with dolphins for you.
how can you tell if its a queef or a fart from that close?
Whenever ur ready we need breakfast and a psychic.
he shattered multiple jars of jelly against his roommates doors last night. this morning the asian one wouldn't even talk to him because he thought he was gonna get beaten up
I jacked off with the cucumber and then made that fatass a salad.
at least franzia made me throw up pretty colors.
theyll ask where you are and ill say on a date crying in a sombrero
like that time i did too much ghb at gay pride
Did you really just use your nipple as a unit of measurement?
oh my god i'm in a crawl space
I just saw a group of 50+ year old women all wearing shirts that said "drink up, bitches" ...please tell me that can be us some day.
I might have hooked up with a 2003 alumni last night in the basement
Dude you were ten when he graduated
Wahoowaaaaaaa
Me and a 30 year old man are sitting in my bathtub in swimsuits drinking straight rum from the bottle. Don't tell me how fucked up your Christmas is.
I was covered in mud from my knees down, I smelt like the inside of a port-a-potty and only had mascara on one eye. . . so you know your usual Sunday brunch.
I think I should write my liver a thank you note. If it had my work ethic, I would be dead now.
Randomize
