Ways to know you did something wrong: you sugar-coated it for your therapist.
I may or may not have puked in my RA's suggestion box.
Wait time out. Did I start last night with pants?
we just plugged the camera up to the big screen. would you like to come see what you did last night, in high definition?
Fell in the ditch running from the pizza guy I stole the pizza from. If you are still at my house come find me, pretty sure I need stitches.
When I say drunk I mean that in the process of filming a fratstar cooking show they threw a keg into the street where the police came to clean it up. now all they can say is "THE KEG GOT ARRESTED."
I just watch that 70s show all day and blaze whenever they do. It's nice being part of the circle
I am now being bribed with one orgasm per every meal I eat. This is the best anorexia therapy ever
I'm gonna keep a minimum of five drink promise to myself
You mean maximum 5?
So heartbroken my rebound has a rebound
You are free to stop by. I promise to keep my penis in my leather pants
I'm at a first year old's birthday party and a midget dressed as a cop just showed up. Word is we're going to toss and bowl with him. Updates to come.
I wasn't even hungover I was just mourning my dignity
...its technically supposed to be for the bridal shower but I think I can find an ensemble that says "im hopped up on x. Stick your tongue down my throat." As well as " im supporting your marriage to my brother"
someone at the bars was yelling at the bouncer to let him in because he "just passed through the 7 levels of the candy cane forrest" soulmate?
go meet him and give him your number.
Randomize
