Just got my rental car in Iowa...gas is under 2 dollars in des moines...this is not a real state
Who do you think planted the wheat? Who do you think cleared the land and killed off the native inhabitants? Women?
it's like doing a sit-up... but, you're inside someone
You left a trail of sequins from your dress incase we got lost
I walked into my room to see them crying, watching hey arnold, and passing a franzia box back and forth...
The first clue should've been that he literally had shit in his hair. How does that even happen?
Stolen hampster on my tits. Don't tell me I don't know how to party.
You crossed every boundary on the boundary spectrum last night. You're like the illegal immigrant of drunk actions. No more holiday drinking for you.
1 tequila 2 tequila 3 tequila, floor.
*roof
Well its official, I'm into significantly freakier sex than even I thought possible.
I enjoy the level of friendship we have achieved until you ask me to determine what may or may not be gentile warts via iphone pic
Are we at that point yet where I can just say "I want you to sit on my face"? If not, want to go out for "drinks"?
YOU JUST GOT OUT OF THE HOSPITAL AND YOU'RE ALREADY DRINKING?!
The batteries in my vibrator died before I could finish. Which is a lot like my sex life lately......
I got horny for like a second but the eggplant snapped me out of it
Randomize
