I have found the one flaw to the great pride I took as a guy to not have to sit down to pee...having to sneeze while peeing.
Vanillla milkshakes are the new Gold Bond. Will explain later.
Okay, guy from work I want to fuck just told me he liked the font on my PowerPoint presentation. It is so on.
Make me proud, climb that corporate ladder.
In your drunken brilliance did you make bagel with what appears to be mac and cheese smeared on top and pink icing dip? Because if so it is sitting on the counter
I miss the good ol' days when we would yell at strangers from your balcony while wearing our mexican ponchos in the middle of the day.
what ever happened to our old dealer?
I never thought I'd say this but my vagina is taking a serious break for awhile
I was to the point where my socks were drenched in ranch dressing
Slept in my car last night. It snowed. I peed on the street. Hello 29...
I just realized the only way to play Edward forty-hands is commando in a skirt. This intelligence kick is really doing me justice.
So what did you do since you didn't go out?
...ate chocolate and watched bring it on....it's like I don't even know what it would look like to be straight.
I'm out of milk so I'm dunking my Oreos in Bailey's; this is my life now.
All I remember is the bartender saying your sucking them down and waking up on the floor in my underwear
We had sex on his sofa while his friend cheered and threw bugles at us
Well, personally I like to keep my blackmail in well organised folders.
I just want a man in my bed on a regular basis, who cuddles, and who I can also occasionally hang out with outside of my bedroom. Is that too much to ask for?
Randomize
