Is it possible to jerk off a nipple?
you started puking right when a nickelback song came on..it was epic
Last night I walked out of the bar got in a cab asked the cabi to circle the block. he did and brought me right back to the bar. I paid him $7 thanked him and walked back into the bar.
Chasing bourbon with pepto... Dedication.
There was a stripper pole on the party bus. Was being past tense because some fat chick somehow tore it from the ceiling while grinding
If he really loved his girlfriend then he'd wear a condom when he fucks me.
Lets just fuck. We'll decide if it was makeup or breakup sex after.
I knew we would be good together when you made me lick jameson off your boob while you screamed along with racks on racks
I decided I'm going to give him a celebratory fuck for his accomplishments. Knocked on his door, handed him some condoms and said "I'll be over tonight with sex and booze"
I want to be you.
xanax give me strength to not ask where we stand with booty calls
I just twinged a muscle in my shoulder trying to hug myself. In the world of loneliness-based injuries, this is a new low for me.
Google Maps needs to have a hungover setting. That bitch talks too loud and all I want is breakfast tacos & a bloody fucking mary.
One less thong to worry about.
One less *thing! But probably that too.
Do NOT approach him. He has sex with everything. LITERALLY everything, and I DO mean everything. He's so horny we once caught him with his dick in a pumpkin. A legitimate honest to God pumpkin that he bored a hole in
I’m ready to be reckless and make stupid decisions, and I need you to support me in that.
Randomize
