A joint and a Nerds Rope = breakfast of champions for the unemployed
giving a blow job on a jetski isn't as easy as it sounds.
time to smoke my breakfast
A kid wearing a Batman belt buckle in my psych class just asked how people get pee fetishes. I'm too high for this.
Shit. Come in my room. Bring a trashcan and an icepack
It's not fair. Guys with dicks that huge should not be allowed to be catholic.
He snuck out of bed at 9 am and came back with pizza and a bottle of wine. I think I'm in love!
Don't count me out just yet. Considering bartering a blowjob to see if that boy from work will take my shift.
Let's play a little game of "Last Night Never Happened"
You know why nobody comes up with Sober October? Other than it's Oktoberfest? Because Sober October doesn't benefit anyone, just like your judgment isn't benefiting me. I'll talk to you in November. Unless you make up another alcoholless month.
Pretty sure I asked the person at the pharmacy counter in Walgreens to marry me last night. But also remember Rachel Maddow crawling through the TV screen, so my memory might be a bit compromised...
Virginity is like the pottery barn-you break it, you bought it.
Thanks....I've always wanted my vagina compared to an overpriced coffee table
does the cute hipster in the kitchen belong to you?
if not i want to bang those glasses off his face
I'm about to have a threesome at the hotel where I had my quinceañera. Becoming a woman under this roof for the second time, whaaat
Well, I was giving him a handy and I sighed in boredom. He heard. I had to fake moaning sounds after he asked if I sighed.
Randomize
