he was wearing sponge bob boxers. Guess how long he lasted.
this girl looks like the female version of brooke hogan
Just realized the hot girl at the office got a boob job over the Holiday.....she is now super-hot girl.
i guess this means i'm going to be wearing knee socks during sex again
Not sure I just ate a really big pot brownie, I feel like my future is uncertain
Nothing like the It's a Small World ride at Disneyland to remind you to take your birth control. I took it on the boat yesterday
I accidentally KO'd a baby in the airport. Thought you should know.
do you know how ratchet you have to be to get kicked out of a drag club on Halloween weekend??
I think I just danced on the bar. With a man named Alabama.
Thank you for turning 21. I'm going to love reading your texts.
It's like my life is one of those movies where after a bunch of outlandish events that only happen in a movie the girl realizes her true life calling and lives a great life with a sexy man of multiple races. But I'm stuck in the fucked up part where 25 year olds come in their pants.
At one point we were both in the bathroom and i was taking a shit while holding your hair as you puked in the sink. Friendship.
I have a hook up buddy in Abiquiu. He lives next to a Chipotle; that's the only reason I see him.
You know its a good morning when you wake up with blonde hair extensions in your pocket. . .
Had to admit my broken elbow was caused by vodka, not hockey
He's a douche. But I like the way he chokes me.
Randomize
