I saw a penis in my cereal this morning. do you think my cheerios are like professor trelawney's tea leaves?
one can only hope.
seriously this is one of those moments where im glad i dont really talk to or know the people i sleep with
Well said.
getting caught by my parents in bed with another guy was way easier coming out than telling them over dinner like I had planned.
I just figured I'd let u know that you bought a yacht on ebay last night
Should study in library more often, procrasturbating is less of an option.
Last night must have been awesome, my dog still smells like vomit.
We banged through her entire lady gaga playlist. I can die happy now
I don't think he grasps the fact that I would much rather he finish inside me than on my $400 Anthropolgie bedspread
i figure now that we're number one party school im obligated to black out at least 4 days a week. andddd go.
My boss just high fived me after finding out i made it through lunch rush rolling on molly. To think this guy used to terify me.
I just went on etsy and my personalized suggestions on the page were either kinky sex restraints or baby things. I feel like etsy just summarized my life.
Every day I wake up and there is no spectacular morning wood waiting for me I get so sad.
You came in, yelled 'i am from the future' then puked all over the floor
If I die bedazzle my coffin please.
My theory is if i keep drinking, evolution will kick in and I will grow a bigger, faster, and more improved liver by January.
Randomize
