oh right, i forgot that not everyone has a go-to blowjob
I was so hungover I threw up on her when she answered the door. i don't think it was a good first impression
Does adding vodka to a protein shake defeat the purpose?
bubblegum was invented today. we're getting drunk. end of story.
The "puke-towel" started to grow something...
I can't believe you're trying to guilt me into a blow j because a tornado made you homeless.
Is it working?
You're the only person that can successfully use titties and Jesus in the same sentence.
I'm not sure any amount of coworker judgement will keep me from eating oatmeal with dinosaur eggs.
Full contact beer pong was definitely not my best idea.
i just honestly didn't believe you when you said your brother was a fucking clown. ho shit you weren't kidding.
Yeah play it cool maybe put in a kissy face though let him know you're giving an invitation for his dick
Beer. Pizza. Seething Rage. I will be full of two of these things tonight. You get to decide which two.
If it makes u feel any better my dick feels pretty tender dude
She's kind of holyer-than-thou, like god himself came down and said "please cock block your roommate at every opportunity, and if you think she's thinking of sex, tell her she's a whore"
BITCH IT IS YOUR BIRTHDAY AND I'M STARTING ON A FISHBOWL OF LIQUOR WITHOUT YOU
I read that out. Group response is "Katie is hard as fuck."
WITH MOTHERFUCKING MONKEY MITTENS
Randomize
