just next time i won't let coke make me think I'm superman and drink a shit ton.
If you don't sleep with him after showing him your thong with the bow, I am no longer on your side.
i am officially better prepared for a hangover tomorrow than i was for christmas.
Just come over and take your pants off. 35 mins tops. You'll be home before midnight cinderella
I woke up and watched my kitten suck on his nipple. Way too hungover to intervene. He thought it was me, so he just giggled and mumbled "mmm girl."
Seriously? God I hope he wasn't lactating.
......... Poor kitty
If you're knocked up, we're telling everyone it's mine and that the power of our love overcame the inherent reproductive limitations of two vhagines.
He could stay over, if you'd just ask.
Yeah. What am I supposed to say? "Oh, my couch is occupied, but my vagina's not"
Had a crazy moment last night. Had to get up, run to bathroom, pop 3 Xanax, sit on bathroom floor and rock myself in fetal position. Not my best moment.
You're never gonna guess who's blood is on my shirt
Why do I feel like I really don't want to hear the end of this...
She told me "I think I'm going to puke tonight" a few seconds later she said smiling"I can't wait!"
Far be it from me to tell you where you store your dildos but from an interior decorating standpoint not fucking there
Her 4ft mother helped 5ft10 passed out me from the car to my girlfriend's bed at 1am...with whopper in hand
She always used to joke about becoming a stripper. WHO'S FUNNY NOW?!
Did you know that chef boy-ar-dee was a real person? I watched a show about him. the history of the ravioli is more scandalous than you would think.
Are you sure you found YOUR underwear?
Randomize
