So you coming over for some grilled cheese and head?
i am officially better prepared for a hangover tomorrow than i was for christmas.
Just got a lecture from Dad about how I need to be more responsible and start buying my weed in larger quantities so that i can save money. Like he was serious and kind of disappointed in me for not adapting to his method earlier.
Welp, she's chewing our paper towels again. She's like an obnoxiously hot puppy
I plan on gettn treatment center drunk
apparently i saved myself a memo last night titled "cake" and all it says is "i love it so much"
Michelle asked what I was wearing tonight. I responded with a g-string and plastic wrap. I've gotten no response since.
It's not my fault you have a job and can't get drunk on Tuesday's. Don't take your frustrations out on me!
WHO THE FUCK TAGS THEMSELVES AT COUNTY JAIL?!?!
she pretty much pinned my hand to her boob "on accident" for like 10 seconds before she moved. Waiting the rest of the night was just a formality.
I can't believe this. 100 bucks says my Botox lasts longer than their marriage will.
Are you coming down for 4/20 or does Easter kinda fuck that up for you?
Cancun blessed me with a drinking problem
*jedi mind trick* you want to go down on me
Wearing Navy dress whites to a wedding is like having a magical panty removing device. I've never cockblocked a whole room just by existing before.
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