Steve is enlightening me on how and why u put gerbils up your ass
i think the cat found all the blow we lost...
Their flight hasn't even left yet and the 'buy food to keep yourself alive' budget is gone on tequila.
He literally just walked in some random persons house and walked right to they're pantry. Then five minutes later he walks out with pop-tarts, mac and cheese, and captain morgan. We need to chill with this kid more often.
She has a facebook friends list called oops. theres 33 people in it. she said its all the guys she regrets fucking.
Our new goal for this summer is to fuck so hard we lose his security deposit.
I left his apartment Bc I lost my id. Wandered 5 miles barefoot. Got lost in downtown la. My phone died so I asked for directions from a man at the gas station.. Turns out he was a bum. He led me back to the apartment AND he found my id.
It's like the whiskey god was watching over you
This football player keeps talking about his drunk dad. I think he may start crying. Does this deserve a roll tide?
I just threw out a whole Christmas ham, 12 positive pregnancy tests, 3 empty vodka bottles and by ex boyfriends Latina porn collection in the same garbage bag. The homeless person who goes through the bins tonight knows I have nothing left to loose.
My high school reunion is Thursday so I need to find an outfit that says "Haha, you got fat and I got tits. Suck it, bitches."
I turned around and there were three 10 year old kids running around with sparklers. Weirdest college part ever.
Welcome to Philly.
She has this wild look other eyes like she wouldn't be afraid to commit a felony.
After you puked in the bathtub you claimed you were never eating quesadillas again and you never even ate a quesadilla
Before he left he told me if his girlfriend ever finds out, she'll take us both to an alley and kill us.
Swiping left on your brother's Tinder account is possibly the worst way to learn he broke up with his girlfriend.
Randomize
