OMG Im so trashed fishy! im sitting hereon my bed wif mcdonalds n i look like david hasselhoff!!!!!! kill me now
dude u gotta turn down the techno when u bang that chick its creepy
Girl last night got so wet when I was going on down her it flooded up my nose. I nearly drown
I'm at my inlaws playing Scrabble. Go Fuck Yourself.
I farted on Jack's balls last night. He got pissed and walked away cause he knew it was on purpose. I couldn't hold it in anymore.
you only had a canadian ten, but you said it was all good cuz you would just by molson.
He's been grabbing my ass as a greeting since 2004, sex was overdue
All I did was present the dick. You did the work. That's like thanking the pencil for a test you got an A on.
The difference between you and me last night was that I didn't remember getting into the cab and you didnt know we were in one.
Please tell me that is you having sex in my car in my driveway and not a complete stranger.
Next time she asks for a ride to her "cousins" house and it turns out to be a booty call we're charging her for each mile.
I heard from the downstairs bathroom "WHY CAN'T I WIPE MY ASS IN PEACE!" and a pisscrate of glass bottles breaking
Couch. On fire.
I need to find a more reliable booty-call so I can start dating people and take it slow.
I feel so accomplished. I've cleaned my room, done laundry, called those places, gotten jobs, and masturbated.
I'm so proud of you.
don’t ask me. i snorted coke off of a pregnancy test box last night. i obviously don’t make the best life choices.
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