I felt like helen keller
But she could have totally found that shit before me
i can totally tell he's high. he's having a conversation with my dog.
Is it socially acceptable to order two burrito bowls?
anything's socially acceptable if you do it with enough confidence
Apparently she held up my head the entire 40 minutes, convincing the cab driver that I was okay
did you really just refer to me me as an old fashioned penis?
well apperantly i passed out on the stairs shouting "victory".
its likemy ribs anf my hesrt aew cuddlingn
It was really weird walking into a CVS and not going straight to the pharmacy for plan B.
nothing like a cross blunt to celebrate the birth of our savior
Ok not good, my info has definitely been submitted to this sugar daddy website before.
I spent most of the night trying to drink out of three bottles of beer at once. I don't have to be told the reasons I'm single
"you can only have my number if you answer all the questions on this trivial pursuit card correctly"
I woke up at 4am because the neighbors cat managed to sneak into my bed. HOW THE FUCK DOES THIS STUFF HAPPEN TO
People probably think I’m a fangirl bc I go to so many shows but it’s really bc I like fucking the tour manager
Any who, I expect to be showered with roses apon my arrival
How about beer and nachos?
A fine substitute!
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