Thanks for last night it was amazing as always
What are you talking about
You've got to be kidding me
got weed?
I'm really tired of you accidentally texting me when your doing illegal things. I'm taking away your phone.
sorry mom...
guess what. just found out I had mono. no wonder alcohol didn't taste good on nye
It didn't get weird until she took off her underwear, looked down, and said "fill her up!"
well once we started drinking vodka out of wine glasses there was no turning back
Let's just say a refrigerator got involved and after that I had to send him home.
Off topic, but is it sad that Matthew and I are calculating how much sex we need to have in order to work off a taco bell burrito?
I'm eating captain crunch out of a cup half full of beer so idk
All I am going to say is this: I woke up with lots of bruises on my knees from running around on all fours being a 'dinosaur'. Either girls night in went terribly wrong or terribly right.
I talked to the pizza guy for 10 minutes about my truck, I don't even have a truck
If I was banging all the guys that people think I am, I'd quit buying batteries.
Have you ever hotboxed under your comforter? Best. Decision. Ever.
I feel like I don't show you my boobs enough. And you deserve to see them like all the time
I just saw a woman give her infant whiskey tits. About ten minutes ago she was doing shots, and now she's breast feeding. Whiskey. Tits.
There's a hole in our hallway wall. Don't hate me. I'll fix it. It's only about the size of a beach ball. I promise to never scale walls in our apartment ever again. Don't hate me. I love you.
Randomize
