Gayer than 8 guys blowing 9 guys
wow, that really makes you stop and think.
Let's get naked and see who's stronger.
I just realized that i have never seen about 30 percent of my friends sober before
my mom just wingman'd for me at a bar. i really don't know what else to say.
what are we doing this weekend?
I have enough booze to get us through Armageddon...which basically means that on Sunday we will have to make a trip to the liquor store.
It's a never ending cycle of men I've fucked knowing other men I've fucked. I need a new town.
I may or may not have just let Ash Ketchum capture my wild Pikachu in a parking lot.
I shaved my pussy for you. If you complain about a single hair that I missed again, you will be greeted by a bush the next time you go down on me and i will MAKE YOU KEEP GOING
apparently while i was high i thought that putting a dinosaur temporary tattoo on my inner thigh would keep me from taking my pants off and having sex with him...
...it didn't...
Before I go in, is 'I just got a root canal 2 hours ago' a good excuse to show up drunk to yoga class with a 6 pack? Because if not I think I need to go home.
Turns out the bartender I fucked is the bar owner. WHY THE FUCK DO I PAY FOR HALF MY DRINKS? IS SEX NOT TIP ENOUGH?
You're the air beneath my wings and the lookout when I pee
And you know what the worst part is? Because of him I can now relate to a goddamn Taylor Swift song. FUCK. MY. LIFE.
I love you. I would never turn you into a bear.
Thank god you don't know my other address I'm safe for now
Awww you know you would like it if I found u
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