The night began with "let go home early so we can study for my 9am final" and ended with "show me your boobs for a free pack of gum".My breasts are worth 14 sticks for a dollar.
He was so drunk that he tried to backflip off a baby chair.. How do you think that ended?
If the first sentence isn't something about weed or the nature of choclate I'm skipping class.
we didnt even have break up sex...
you had it for us with someone else...
We woke up, fucked twice, she drank 3 warm heinekins to cure her hangover and said "Im glad you're still hott when im sober"
But he was wearing a glow-in-the-dark condom. It was like a glowing rod of kryptonite. I can't resist that, kryptonite is my weakness.
Don't feel bad, we're professionals and we just housed burgers in burger king singing I believe I can fly
Did u see the proverb she left as a comment on my picture?
First time at a gay bar. I found a surrogate AND sperm donor! The surrogate is straight, so it evens out.
Time to eat Mexican food til I hate myself.
That's completely alright, I do it a lot.
Lying naked in bed eating carrot cake of off my bare breasts while watching Family Guy. Tonsilitis isn't all bad!
We can talk about your dick in my throat after a decision is made, this is my hair we're talking about. .. shit's important.
I woke up in some kids room and he introduced me to his friends at breakfast as "Monica" so I just went with it.
It's 2017. Get with the program. Also remind me never to get margaritas with you ever on Cinco de Mayo.
Why are you barefoot at a strip club?
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