:( I'm sorry!!!
sexual favors sorry?
absolutely not
I wont touch it. I promise i wont touch it. JUST GET UNDER THE DAMN TABLE PLEASE.
It was the first time I had seen his penis when it wasnt hard. It just looked so vulnerable and a little bit depressed.
No. Especially when my uncle started stripping. Too many shots. So that's where I get that from.
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He's Hawaiian. Thank god it wasnt a real American
Did you really end last night's sexting with "Stay thirsty my friend"?
I can feel the alcohol in my calves
My wedding band has saved me from at least four cases of herpes tonight.
My brain is foggy with friends reruns and him licking hummus off my tits.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
No dude I got way too drunk to function. 90% sure I tried to FaceTime 911.
Just come get me. Somewhere there's hobo that's going to want his dumpster back, and I kinda want to be gone when he discovers the vomit.
Mm. I just want to eat pancakes off of his fine ass.
That is NOT what pussyfooting around means. Try that again with your toe and I break it off.
i know it looks like there's pee in the mayo jar in the fridge but i promise it's just apple juice that wouldn't fit in the jug after i added the booze.
You have to give it to him that he fucked me out of the dull weekdays.
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