I was to big spoon the shit out of you right now
I'm so hungover and dru,k
he kept farting in my kitchen and blaming it on the dog. then we went to wendy's and he spent twenty minutes in the bathroom. im pretty sure he shit his pants.
you should have known when you found out he drove a mini cooper not to hang out with him.
I feel like I am becoming dumber sitting here in class than I would be sitting on the couch smoking weed.
she said she's never had and orgasm AND she's a cubs fan...ouch.
I think it's time we have the "weird fetish" talk.
She gave 2 thumbs up when Nirvana came on the radio while blowing me in the bathroom
Drunk me cleaned my room for me. Needless to say our relationship has improved greatly
It's just not a Friday night unless I'm getting propositioned by a guy in a wheelchair via Facebook messenger...
I'm making mistakes. Coming up with girl now
I hate me. That girl was hiiiiideous.
Maybe you should stop dating for awhile if the chicks aren't working out. Reacquaint yourself with your hand or something.
So... How much of our rent is drug money?
Is there a lightning bolt coming out of your boner right now?!
I broke my wrist trying to give him a blow job...
And this is why we can’t have nice things
No no. Thank you. Killed multiple birds with one penis.
thanks for the bj man. also make sure you close the gate behind you. the chickens are out.
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