Like worst hickies ever he always gives them like wtf
I'm upset that MJ died and all but waking up to his face on my HDTV in the middle of the night while half-asleep is pretty much the scariest fucking thing ever.
whoever says they hate hangovers just doesnt know how to embrace them. i'm eating a mashed potato sandwich and watching grind.
Its a Guy he gets weed for. I'm kinda confused as to why there are going to even be tuxedos involved at all.
And with me just getting pulled over and you maxing your card out on tennis balls I don't know if we can afford it
lets just say that i have already today: gotten drunk, got in a fight, got stranded an hour away from home, found a ride, sobered up, and slept. woken back up, and here i am. its been a long day. Day drinking is bad for friendships.
Got drunk and tried to deep fry burritos. Turns out wild turkey isn't a good replacement for vegetable oil. Nearly burned my house down.
Sober people should be as daring as drunk people more often, because honestly the fact you’ve lived so long is a sign that anything is possible.
You went full blown lifeguard... You wouldn't let me sleep until I was in the safety position, so I wouldn't die in my sleep...
My grandpa is driving me to get condoms and wine. This is adulthood.
Strip club or gay bar tonight?
I am an emotionally compromised bisexual.
Like Is it appropriate to tell your boss you banged a guy in the back of a truck at a wedding? Probably not.
Idk if I deserve a medal or a one way ticket to hell
For 15 minutes straight, he literally did every accent there was, from Russian to Bostonian. The issue: no one could determine whether he was sober, wasted, or anywhere in between
I woke up saran wrapped to a chair....
They don't really make a "hey I'm fucking your ex wife" card do they ?
Randomize
