we went to a bar last night, drank beer in plastic cups. I took pics w/a random kid i pulled into a photobooth & i have easy mac in my purse. I belong here.
she came over and started getting naked and said its not like i came over to just hang out
youve hit the jackpot
wait so...it's like an actual thing to masturbate using the detachable shower head? WTF I thought I was being creative!
You drank almost the entire bottle of everclear and wanted to walk around. I guess your best friends sister is a cop and you wanted her to arrest you like the lil wayne song.... so sorry dude.
So not only did you shoot down my invitation and prob walked past my house but now ur excluding me from a wet t shirt contest which btw i totally would have won
Well it's official, last night I hooked up with the third girl from the apartment downstairs.
Dude that's a hat trick!
I know, I tossed my hat on the floor as I was walking out.
Literally just inhaled three cinnamon rolls. Sara is staring. It was inhuman
Aaaaand my mom is wearing jeggings...
My purpose is to unleash drunk self on strangers, i believe as some terrifying icebreaker, otherwise i too would offer my driving services.
If blow jobs were a super power she'd be in the Justice League.
My new boobs got me 12 drinks at the concert. Whose the real winner here?
I threw up vodka and borscht. I'm done with life...I threw this up in a McDonald's bathroom btw.
I'm going to make a stack of pancakes and fuck it. Right now.
My vagina measures dicks. It's accurate to the half inch.
if being 21 means slamming 99 cent margaritas at 3:00 in the afternoon on a Tuesday then call me Peter Pan IM NEVER GROWING UP
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