Just saw a group of asian tourists in safari outifts bow in thanks to the starbucks guys. And no Im not high.
His little brother walked in on us. Six times.
I found her sleepin on the side of the house in the rocks. so i woke her up and yelled at her and she would only come inside if i let her sleep in the bathroom.
I remember key bumps, porn and a mom in my bed. Sums up my day.
that is an amazing summary hahaha
Just got walked in on while fucking in the lounge in the performing arts building. The janitors gave us five minutes to leave and applauded our exit
I'm sitting on the toilet just to avoid my bosses look of disapproval
there's a photo set of like seven dicks covered in glitter....i don't know what to do
She just asked what would happen if you put a vacuum in your butt and turned it on. These are our conversations.
Have you ever come so hard that right after you have the urge to yell "make me a sandwich!"? ...I think my ovaries turned into testicles.
I woke up in a bunk bed beside two Brazilians dude you have no idea how happy I was
My husband gave me a key to his house. I thinks this means we're getting kinda serious.
So I heard her yell at him and I went downstairs to find he had lit up each one of my smokes and taken just one drag off each and had em lined up on the table. She says he "experiments" when on Ambien.
When we became besties with benefits we agreed I could still get dick
I didn't think I'd have to specify "not my Dad"
I'll start cleaning the house tonight darlin. So you don't have to fuck your two boytoys in the driveway the next two days.
I'm hungover and in a fort. And I hate you.
So many questions
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