elementary school lunch room party. everyone brings their own lunch and can trade stuff. all juice is booze.
my mom hid the smirnoff from me. this is the most fucked up game of hide and seek EVER
this bucketlist has just become an excuse for me to be slutty, and i'm not even ashamed
All I remember is yelling RUN as fireworks started going off in the kitchen. Who said that was a bad idea?
New swimming pool is best sex toy ever. We are pioneering the doggie-style paddle.
I just dumped out my gym water bottle and filled it with white wine. This is the end.
There was a guy on the elevator dressed as santa in flip-flops giving away beer.
You can't start the super bowl without starting a kitchen fire making cole slaw. Its unamerican.
I don't even want to know
Quick question, when did I develop feelings, and how can I make them go away?
That's two questions.
Is adulthood just morning sex and then walking through the grocery store 20 min later looking for something to take to work for lunch?
...and then running into your dad at said grocery store...
She's been drunk for three days now
Like three straight days. 72 hours
She's been covered in glitter for the last two and somehow she found a monkey
Last night you texted me "tqiirkykbg doe freedom always"... why?
I'm chasing my vodka with snickers.
2016 shall be rememered as the year I sharted while putting up the Christmas tree.
He’s tiny, hairless and humps my leg when he wants sex. He’s basically a chihuahua
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