I might have a beer. Just to keep this hangover on its toes.
The trip involved octopus tentacles coming from the little holes in my TV's speakers. The beauty of the nonexistant symbolism had me in tears.
You passed out while holding my hair during a blow job.. i think your gona have to earn back blow jobs
I had a 10 minute conversation with the refrigerator, it was telling me how it likes to be opened and closed. Ecstasy, I love you.
I should never be allowed to dance around children at weddings. I think I just insured that a 4 year old will be a future teen mom.
I just found glitter from our Father's Day party on my balls this morning.
DAD WTF
I witness him finger a girl behind the dj decks yet I'm still going to meet up with him. Wtf is my life
Ice cream and condoms, solid grocery store trip
I think I just got buffalo sauce on my penis. Is that a turn on or off?
Don't take a pillow from my bed. You don't know which ones of them my vagina has been on
I think even the taco bell employees judged me
So I slept with some guy last night and when I woke up in the am couldnt remember his name. I text him n asked "How do you spell your name?" to try n find out and all he replied was "With an A." WTF!?
i think i passed out for a few seconds while we were having sex but he didnt notice...
Drinks have officially taken priority over self-respect, and I'm not even all that torn up about it.
If the people you’re with use the word tequila in a sentence with phrases like hair of the dog or breakfast of champions...run awsy
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