I want to bang chis in dee ass burt he be hating on me times two. Me be tryin ti love onu
Bendover
I told you not to have sex with her on my futon
I didnt dude, i swear!
either that or you were eating mayo, which was the second thing i told you not to do on my futon
I bruised his dick. I bruised his dick WITH MY MOUTH!! I've never felt more accomplished.
all i remeber is falling off a fence and banging him in the middle of the street, not sure which one gave me this cut
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Of course I was flustered, I had a lot of penis in my face.
He says he quit drinking. I'd like to have a moment of silence for losing the best drunken hookup ever. We will build a memorial to his awesome cock.
There's going to be a pool, lightsabers and alcohol. What could go wrong?!
All she kept whispering was put your pickle in my mouth. Then she fell out of her barstool and chipped her tooth
Confession: Sometimes I wear my stolen scrubs to the corner store because people will think I'm a doctor and not just a girl too lazy to change out of her pajamas.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
A man just poked my foot with his crutches while I'm shitting. Is that how the disabled gays ask for a glory hole blow jay?
I mean I'm not gay but a hundred bucks is a hundred bucks
He said he looked out his window and I was sitting in the grass with blood everywhere talking to a dog.
Dude we smoked with a bunch of random stoners in a forest, then group hugged. It was the most magical thing we've ever done.
Also, I just opened Google to find the lyrics to California Gurls. Karaoke night did us dirty.
Reminder to self: never have sex on a trampoline. Trampoline burn hurts worse than carpet burn.
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