I've realized that my life is in no way structured to be compatible with monogamy. I'm not adjusting to this well.
We still going to Happy Hour
Idk. I can't because it doesn't fit in my schedule of sleeping or throwing up
The countdown is at hand. We are 15 days from so much Jameson that names will be forgotten. Prepare your liver now or severe projectile vomiting will be the theme of the night.
There's a 35% chance I'm still residually drunk from last night.
And you say you're not good with numbers...
I need a Jamo leash. Just tie it to my wrist and every time you see me reaching for a shot of it, just yank my hand away
struggle bus is officially taking me on a road trip to hell. If this is just the first destination, I'll jump out the fucking window.
I don't care if we're married you can't just walk into the bedroom with a pizza box expecting to get laid
Heat not working dressed like an eskimo. A real one with a ski sock on my junk
Dude, I can't even reach my asshole to wipe it. I have a lot more to be thankful for this Thanksgiving.
I can't help you there
I will read books by day and do guys by night. A mental and physical enlightenment, if you will.
You used his ass cheeks to demonstrate how to play the bongos and he still called you the next day. That's true love.
I think my fortune cookie is telling me I give good blowjobs.
Go have sex with him right now! Drunk sex is the best sex.
I know but these gold fish are so much better
i got drunk and started dancing with the plant because you were out of town
It actually wasn't the first time that a guy I just met ate me out in the back seat of his car in a starbucks parking lot in the middle of the day.
Randomize
