sometimes i wish i was the girl in a porno. that way if i couldn't get any, i'd just order a pizza and do him.
Im so ripped right now that i just filled the almost empty bottle of choc syrup with milk and drank it straight out of the bottle. It was on pointttttt.
Just had a flash back. Pretty sure i ate toilet paper last night.
Fell in the ditch running from the pizza guy I stole the pizza from. If you are still at my house come find me, pretty sure I need stitches.
If you listen closely you can hear the sound of inbreeding and shame.
Well his dad was his wingman, so I had to fuck him. I didnt want his dad to think that he was doing a bad job and I was drunk enough to think he was doing a good job.
Score one for dad.
I was cracking open beer cans, throwing them off the roof, and yelling "FRAG OUT!"
She started giving me head while we were watching the Walking Dead premiere, WORST BJ EVER.
My dad just saw me take dirty one night stand underwear out of my purse. I'm willing to admit I have a problem
my poor anus
If I'm walking weird, don't judge me. Things got kinda outta hand with the GoPro on.
Why can't he just dump me? This is like a baby seal clubbing the hunter
Well, why would you bring gelado into a strip club?
I wonder if the sex shop has any Black Friday deals.
When was the last time you got laid?
When was the last time you came home sober?
touche
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