I am now Facebook friends with Donkey Lips from Salute Your Shorts
worst hand job ever. my dick is about as raw as that sushi your mom wanted me to try.
we were having sex and she freaked out when i said nipple
i just overheard a girl at the next table saying she gave up sex for lent
don't you ever do that...
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
bars should really give you discounts for bringing your own shot glass
sorry for throwing an entire water bottle of vodka at you. It was very wasteful
Somebodaw call 311 postw fire bunso on vietena floorwnkd
I really thought you were going to tell me you were pregnant on facebook chat. FACEBOOK CHAT. I almost cried.
Call me when your ready for an explanation about the ham in your vagina.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Still dying that you shit outside
Love these next 4 months. Wake up from a college football hangover and get to put your hand down your pants and watch NFL football all day.
The last thing I remember about last night was guzzling white zinfandel out of the box and eating cheese. And I was thinking OH YOU FANCY HUHHH
this is a preemptive text before you call me freaking out: i have your keys and your car is parked safely a block down from your apartment.
you are a goddess
At this point all my Tinder matches are telling me I'll be fucking the whole male population of UMass '17.
UHG. i just want to have hot lesbian sex and eat pizza with you.
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