im pretty sure there are laws against slapping prostitutes
i'm pretty sure there are laws against prostitutes.
there are 2 things i love giving: blowjobs & backrubs. how can i tell them that without sounding like a slut
All i've done since I got back to my room today is take a three hour nap. Like, I even planned to change my pants and haven't even done that yet.
After your mom took her 12th and fatal tequila shot she proceeded to fall head first into the bonfire... Guess I don't have to fear getting old after all
His morals are debatable, but his heart or perhaps his penis is in the right place.
His penis is crooked. Right place? Maybe he starts there, but then he slants.
I apparently insisted on hugging all the bushes and apologizing for pollution on the way home.
You were so drunk last night you left the bar to go buy a razor so you could go home with him
I'm drunk in a place called Lick-A-Chick. PS. It's not a lesbian hot spot, they sell chicken.
Apparently drinking in your car before going into a sales meeting is frowned upon. We are car sales men not doctors.
I don't think you understand. I woke up under the car. At 3 am. In the club parking lot.
Did I really just send a work email with cum instead of come? feck me
Just woke up in a Price Chopper bathroom stall with a half eaten cake on the floor. Had to get a ride from the waitress I made out with. What happened to "Don't let me drink Tequila?"
I lied.
He wanted to save my dignity, I just wanted beads and jäger
Found Ryan’s keys in the fridge. On my way back.
Also, tell him he missed Nathan passing out in the dryer.
Rich men love me! I remind them of their trophy wife!!!
Randomize
