Do you think Conan would leave his wife for me?
Being a girl sucks.
Being a boyfriend sucks for about a week, too
I cant even remember his name or what he looked like. all I remember is what the tattoo on his forearm looked like.
well, he kindof looked like a walmart greeter. I tried to stop you
Just tried to use the bottle of Sprite in my car as mouthwash to get the taste of puke out of my mouth- it's half vodka. Puked again. Thanks man.
She nearly killed the mood when she said "Don't cum on my spray tan"
I feel like I have streams of color and coldness wrapping around my body.
I keep thinking your bag of thongs is a bag of chips. So mad I can't eat them.
Our DD has become famous. Strippers are asking to be handcuffed to him.
I need a drink and a shade of lipstick that will put the fear of God in a man's heart.
It looks like a baby bear tried to chew off my nipples.
I finally broke my dry spell. I did it. D-do-da-Dora.
It's gotten to the point that I'm pretty sure I'm going to need to be legally drunk before I enter the voting booth this year.
I can't wait to see you again. It will be like when we first started dating- but with less clothes.
Just blew on a shot of whiskey to cool it off, like it was soup...
I'm drunk and don't know where I am. There's a giant metal penguin if that helps.
Randomize
