Are they still out there making out on the couch? How can we get them to leave?
I 'm gonna go stand naked in the kitchen with a knife
I just realized that I've become that person they make the alcohol warnings on medicine for.
Who would have thought the night we were surrounded by 4 cops would be the most responsible night of the week.
Highlight of my weekend: having my card suspended due to "suspicious charges" and standing in line at the gas station yelling at customer service on the phone that I really did go to 4 different strip clubs in one night
Fell down a spiral staircase. Et tu vodka. Et tu.
the thought 'we cant do it, we're in a public place' crossed my mind, and then I realized he's succeeding if he's trying to domesticate me.
elevator sex. pronto.
so far, I've observed him try to hit on 3 girls, 1 guy and a bar stool. Humanity is amazing from a sober point of view.
I have family pictures in an hour and a half and I'm 9 beers deep. This is how I get written out of my grandparents will...
She sneezed like 10 times, put her head down on the table and then laid down on their couch and fell asleep. In the middle of the dominoes game. I'll never understand why my dad continues to provide my mom wine.
Its 11am and I'm eating gummi bears and drinking Tennessee honey in my underwear...this is why I'm self employed
Tackling and headbutting friends, running away and hiding from everyone, attempting to streak across campus, and then waking up with no sign of a hangover... happy 21 to me
oh so have I but I'd still suck a dick or 20 in the name of freedom.
Dude, I wish I could live my entire life blacked out.
Got her pregnant in a minivan. Circle of life.
Woke up at 8am and asked if she had coffee.... She handed me a shot of tequila...
Randomize
