would you consider dating someone with braces an investment?
i learned of a new sex move called the pterodactyl. 3 guys stand in a row. 1 girl blows the one in the middle while jerking off the other two. kids these days!
Yaeh! Back in our day we had to wait our turn for some party whore to blow us!
well there you go. the average partycunt evolved into megapartycunt just like scientists predicted.
What is this red stuff in a water bottle in my fridge that's labeled "not for baby turtles"?
you were crying because peter frampton wasnt your dad
so after the bed broke we walked out of the room to a standing ovation
Matt just took me to visit my puke stain from 2 weeks ago at the train station...I'm fucking impressive
You need to find a way to go down on me and lick my toes at the same time
I'll google it
he's listed in a fb relationship with a girl born in 1993. i'm too drunk to do the math on that one, but i am sober enough to know that's illegal
Drunk sex destroyed my coffee table... ikea this weekend?
he was very distressed by my statements that there could have been balls on shoulders without awareness
I NEED TO GET TO THE PLAYGROUND. I JUST NEED TO SWING. IF I SWING MAYBE THE SMELL WILL COME OFF OF ME. I NEED TO SWING
Would it be sharing too much to tell you that my nipples hurt so much that I couldn't comfortably go down the stairs?
Trying to figure out if the guy I'm with right now is the same guy I met spring break
Oh duude it is the guy from spring break! Awk.
On a scale from 1 to banned, how offensive do you think it would be to wish my vibrator happy Valentine's Day on various social media outlets?
All I know is if i get a free preview weekend of HBO then I am recording Kindergarten Cop.
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