we went to a bar last night, drank beer in plastic cups. I took pics w/a random kid i pulled into a photobooth & i have easy mac in my purse. I belong here.
Another weekend, another 3 guys I have to awkwardly avoid while crossing campus...
You asked me to be the big spoon, when you passed out on the stairs
He leaned out the window to puke right as the fan for the ac turned on. All of it blew back up into his face.
you fully convinced the taxi driver that we were in a race
Monday morning margarita madness at ny house. Yes before wheel of fortune. Yes day drinking.
I rolled out of the car, crawled on all fours to the door, did somersaults all the way to my room, and then I ran across the parking lot to tell our neighbor you wanted to bang him. I'm not even sure if it was the right guy.
We opted you as the sacrificial dick tonight. We need our patron cafe. Go make some moves.
ders ninda duuude pooring goden shots ov glory. I see em an i dont but there hear.
are you attempting voice recognition while drunk again?
I have come to the conclusion that my perfect boyfriend is a cardboard cutout of Link with a dildo attatched. Also, Merry Christmas.
Sobered up midsex and just went with it. After he tried cuddling and I awkwardly rolled out of the bed to find someone on the floor, apparently it was his room so he got to listen.
Must've forgot to hang up with her when I was telling Josh I plan to pop champagne if I nail her tonight. She showed up with a bottle and said "only if we can toast it with Josh"
can we just punch him in the dick and call it a victory for feminism
Would you think less of me if I said I was eating a toaster strudel in the bath.
Think of it as a business transaction. That's how I justify all the horrible things I do. Blow my married boss? Just a business transaction.
Randomize
