I got a call from 999 999 9999. I didn't answer it because I was too busy freaking out about the number.
It was probably Jesus.
I feel like he would have left a message.
Living right is spending a lot of time in someone's ass
Just saw remains of her puke from last night on my pants.... thats got "Apology BJ" written all over it.
Isn't it statistically impossible for THAT many ugly people to be in one place at one time?
craigslist free llama. are you in or are you in?
Apperanlty I was screaming "It's hard to swim with a broken ankle sir" and then tackled the lifeguard. The joys of blackouts
i got up, ate a McDouble, then went straight back to bed.
You sure know how to make a day worth living.
Hooked up to multiple episodes of Even Stevens last night. What the fuck.
He was on top and as he finished he yelled "I love gold" , so yeah I'm seeing him later tonight
i'm not drunk or reckless enough to have you track my every fucking move. I AM AN ADULT
Dude, you got arrested and then texted 911 to tell them you'd been kidnapped with a screenshot of your current location.
I said no to friends with benefits because it was too much commitment
He used the term 'cock-staggering' in an email. So needless to say things are going pretty well.
are you fucking roseanne barr in there?
HOLY SHIT HOLY SHIT HOLY SHIT HOLY SHIT
So I just ran in to the Couger you saw me take home last month who i haven't talked to since then at Wawa and she was PISSED.. APPARENTLY i fucked her niece last week
Randomize
