my vag is singing 'hurts so good' by john mellencamp
when I forget a girls name in bed I ask her her middle name then tell her i'm gonna call her that from now on
I feel like I should I write an apology note to the frat for falling down stairs, passing out on the couch, and chugging the entire bottle of burnetts at semiforml last weekend. Apparently I was the main topic of discussion at their chapter meeting last night.
I just got asked if I have a rule for sleeping with people. Like they have to buy me dinner first etc...
On that note, do I have a rule?
I took my vicodin with tequila. I can FEEL gravity...
Typical Sunday afternoon purchase of condoms and a helium tank.
Whats your number? 5 or more?
Cinco. It sounds smaller in Spanish.
Having boobs is probably the greatest thing in the world, free booze all around
Well while you were being a dick I was taping back together a cougars broken heart
You guys I wore sweatpants to work today because I simply forgot to put on real pants and I had a weed brownie and a juice box for breakfast. I am not ready for parenting.
I have no inclination to even want to think about what God's existential meltdown is going to be like. O.o
She kept giving the uber driving directions and we all thought they were wrong so we'd send him the other way. Turns out she wasn't guiding us home, but to the half gallon that she hid in the bushes on the way to the bar.
Two questions: Did you enjoy your birthday present and how did i wake up with glitter all over my dick?
I really need to stop having sex.. I haven't been able to get a brush through the back of my hair for a good week and a half
I'm waiting for you in a manthong right now.
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