I am coming home for anal
* a nap*
I wish Morgan Freeman narrated my life.
Its already bleeding so dont be alarmed after you bite it
Whyyyyy do my fingers smell like Chinese food.
i just made my mom cry by blowing spit bubbles.
for me the strap perfect is like a chastity belt
He referred to his cock as "The cock" like it was third party or something.
Oh shit. There are penis maracas
I'm sitting in the corner at the bar with a poolstick in case a brawl breaks out. Some crazy shit is going down and I'm trying to show my feathers like a horny peacock.
Their was just 7 people standing outside eating a costco chicken, definitley at the right party
You know you've been having sex for 9 months when you do Rock Paper Scissors for who has to go on top
I said I hate kids.This dude said he will sell his children to go on a date with me.
Nothing says "Jesus has forgiven your sins" like finding out you're not pregnant on Easter.
His parents bailed him out, the police said they found him on a curb trying to call people on his wallet, hahha. He had his wallet open to his ear callin people
somehow I wound up on the floor crying about his beard. then telling everyone I'd give him a "lesbian blowjob".
If you find out what that means, show me.
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