Standing in line for a prescreening of Alice in Wonderland - guy just passed out cold in front of us - first drug overdose of the Alice in Wonderland phenomenon witnessed.
The homeless ppl in LA are great. Theres sum guy that makes all of his clothes out of tighty whitey underwear. He makes bags out of them 2. Presumably 2 hold more underwear.
Reason #1 for no sex outdoors: Mosquito bites. Awkward, awkward mosquito bites.
I hid a girl's boot last night so I could ransom it back this morning via the "blowjobs for boots" program.
You were so high you insisted on spoon feeding me your KFC bowl while I was driving.
Was who let the dogs out playing?
Ya. You started barking when it ended
Last thing I remember clearly was, "ok, but if we're are gonna get drunk before class, there's no half-doing this"
My mother just made an innapropriate gesture with a cucumber while grocery shopping at whole foods... Then she said "bitches love cucumbers" and all this time i thought i was adopted
The international association of gay square dance clubs had a booth set up in the lobby of my hotel.
Someone has big plans this weekend. Just went to throw away the trash and saw packaging for 3 different vibrators on the top of the stack
And the 'kicked out of Xmas party' trophy goes to me. 3rd nomination, first win.
Is offering to blow your HR rep considered an ethics violation?
I woke up in a beaver hat and contruction vest.. I need answers.
please god let this picture I just uploaded not have my vagina in it
I sent him a blank text because I didn't want to "drunk text" him.
He had been licking my nipple for like 5 minutes and it wouldn't get hard. He asked me to lick my own and when I did, instant hardness. I realized I'd rather have sex with myself then this guy ..
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