So she couldn't stop dragging her teeth while she was blowing me.
Ahh dude, that fucking sucks, what'd you do about it?
Decided to drag my teeth while eating her out... She got the point.
I typed "housewife" into monster.com's search engine....I got zero results...kinda bummed
Fuck him tonight for the both of us. We're still tag-teaming in spirit.
can you call in chlamydia to work? like if the antibiotics they gave you for it are giving you the shits...
Taking my tights off outside the club to give them to the homeless man was my contribution to humanity. The fact that it was snowing just made me feel like superman.
I'm taking it from the chunk of pizza I just pulled out my hair that we ate pizza last night?
The nurse who basically saved my life just came into the store. Didn't recognize her. Awwwwkward.
I rode a bull tonight, There is absolutely no reason my dick is not in some chicks mouth
Don't look him in the eyes, it like looking at the sun but instead of burning your retinas it makes you wet and vulnerable
So I got my junk pierced since we've fucked. You should get in on this.
Why isn't there a super hero that comes to the aide of really high kids when they kill their car battery?
His brother just asked him in all seriousness if it would be cool if they became eskimo brother brothers.
he said "I would have fucked you in the chipotle bathroom" and I can't get over how awesome that would've been
RAAAAAAAAWWWWRRRRRR
THATS ME HOWLING MY ENJOYMENT OF THE THINGS WE CAN DO WHILE GETTING DRUNK
I found Erin. She's getting a back massage from the coat check boy and drinking all his whiskey.
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