Renamed my iPod as 'the titantic' so when I plug it in it's says 'the titantic is syncing.'
The only dream I remember having is one where my dad's sperm turned into baby hippos. Like, tiny baby hippos, pocket-sized. I am so fucked up.
We stopped her at 12
12 shots? Or 12 midnight?
Which answer would freak you out less
I've had cake for breakfast the past 3 days. You tell me how bikini season is going.
He's crying and calling me out on using him. It's awful. And I'm too drunk to leave.
Snuck into a camper in someone's yard. Hotboxing. Can't wait until they go in it.
he made his penis look like a sprinkler when he was coming. it was pretty cool actually.
Our first crop came in on the day that they added Hercules to Netflix Instant, I think it's the universe telling us that it approves of us growing shrooms in our guest room.
So did I or did I not flash an entire concert last night?
Never should have deleted her from my facebook. My new girl is so much hotter than she is, I just want to passive aggressively rub it in her face
I just remembered you petting my nose last night to help the cocaine 'sink in'. I don't think that's how it works
They cut me off when I tried to pee in the corner of the bar.
I just had a visual of u banging and screaming at him at the same time.
i had fun fun last night, with the exception of you running over my foot with your car. makes a great story for my first one night stand.
Painted a stripper an elf costume. Her coworkers liked it. Now in a room full of naked strippers.
Randomize
