Do you think "I had sex with my co-worker last night I don't think I can come in today" is a good excuse?
Don't you think facebook is a bit pretentious, suggesting friends and all? No facebook, I would NOT like to be friends with a girl whose fiancee I have slept with.
So shortly after drunk sex...she starts crying and saying..." you don't care about me, you never do anything nice for me" so I called her a cab
I queefed so loud it echoed.
I must say your penis is just as photogenic as you
So i just got guilted into doing a tequila shot by a group of guys chanting "USA!" at me.
It sounds like heaven mixed with world peace and orgasms. The acoustics in this car are awesome. Or it's the weed idk either way it's great
Just found a pic on my phone of you on squatting on the hood of a police car about to take a dump. Care to explain what happened last night?
I don't even see the point of going over to his place dressed anymore.
I hope you fall on your chin.
Jealousy makes you ugly.
I will be your sherpa up the mountain of gayness
THIS ISN'T WORKING THIS IS THE DRUNK LEADING THE DRUNK
I walked into your room and you had fallen asleep smoking a cigarette. You just had the butt in your mouth with ash all over your face.
I don't feel bad about fucking old guys. That's what I want. It's what I likeeeeee.
Lab coat again saves the day - hiding embarrassing shart evidence...
I'm so high that a guy on TV just sneezed and I said "bless you."
Randomize
