i have this theory that all the people in the world who dont like mayonnaise had very bad encounter with jizz once
His facebook interests include 'unstrapping velcro'.
Just talked to the girl you brought home from the bar last night while she was looking for her panties. She said to tell you "nice try".
he made a bald eagle out of coke lines
I feel like a fucking princess. Like an heiress of a kingdom of drugs.
We will have to go big on the 4th! Nothing says independence like the impending doom of an ankle monitor
Welcome to drunk texts. Live from Margaritaville, it's Saturday night!!!
So he's compensating for a really small penis. Either that or he's a drug lord.
Perhaps if I didn't mortify my parents last night with my drunken obnoxious behavior which resulted in the casualty of an entire decorative bathroom shelf which I completely ripped off the wall and left for dead, I would be more than willing to go day drinking.
Currently putting together my outfit for this weekend, AKA a poster board that says "I'll cook you breakfast and do all your laundry, take me home." On front and back
How do you forget making out with a coworker in the dressing room at Sears on more than one occasion?
...object impermanence?
He changed the password on his Netflix account. The break up is official.
I expect you will be there for a drunken 3way with my husband again this new year.
i looked that guy up on facebook. the one who went down on me for two hours
what's the verdict
i've been scrubbing my vag all morning
i realized my signature handshake has now become a hookup. i love what college has done to me.
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