I wish there were whore gnomes that cleaned our apartment when we were gone.
We had sex on my friends waterbed ..after that the whole school kept asking him if he had fun getting "sea-sick" last night.
I want to get so wasted that I make middle aged irish men look like mormon girls
while we were having sex she stopped and said, "god is always watching". Then she started again with no other words said. We were fucked up.
You slow danced with your carpet steamer last night.
I assume it was your influence that had me go from DD to waking up out on the deck with one eyebrow shaved off??
We're not in high school anymore. I'm not going to pretend to be impressed as he butchers my favorite songs on his guitar. I just wanted to get laid.
By the power invested in me, I now pronounce your taco to be meaty. Meaty taco meaty taco meaty meaty meaty taco.
took adderall before wrapping presents, ended up making paper snowflakes for two hours
He's going to let me keep his bowl in my car. Does that make us Facebook official?
He SHOWED UP to the party wearing one shoe and a dinosaur hat. He kept lifting up his shirt and asking people to bite his nipple.
It's sitting in bleach right now. You will be the creepiest coolest dude in my book if you made a bracelet from my tooth.
We were in his kitchen and she turned to me with a straight face and an avocado in her hand and said "Can we steal this?"
Okay well for one he didn't speak any english but before any happened he made me use the translator to consent
i just really want to fuck a guy wearing lederhosen
it'll be sexier than it sounds, i promise
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