Any time you start making pro wrestling references before 10 PM I know that I'm breaking up a fight between you and some muscled up frat boy you call Hogan.
he came up my nose again i swear he does this just to piss me off
A monkey stole my iPod. This was not in the fucking study abroad brochure
thats the coolest thing thats happened to my vagina since i dated that guy from portugal.
Ummm I just broke my no puke streak at church
She literally just changed his birthday. Overly attached girlfriend has nothing on her.
I was mid hand job and stopped me because he wanted to "connect" which meant putting his thumb in between my eyebrows and a hand over my heart and closing our eyes...
Sometimes you have a life bucket list item checked off like 4 tits in your face simultaneously and getting to bang them both. I'm sorry I bailed on skiing but not really. Coming over with a boombox playing 'heat of the moment' as soon as I can hail a cab cause I'm too drunk to drive still...
You told me that they girl who was giving you a handjob under the table looked a little like your sister
My vagina feels like it's been kissed by angels.
Things you do not want to hear after sex: I almost lost my gum in your pussy. Really dude, don't share that with me!
Omg one of the midgets from last night just added me to Facebook.
Casually blacked out last night and apparently told him he couldn't come back to bed until he got me Taco Bell.
Mixing Powerade and white wine has been one of my better ideas.
I just want to get high and watch Dr. Pimple Popper.
Randomize
