how do I set my phone to only ring when I'm asleep when sex is certain?
New pre-game routine....wal-mart bathrooms...quality beers for free...hallelujah
I wrote a list of all my homework due in the next few weeks. I feel I've done enough for tonight.
in hindsight, the duct tape banana hammock was a bad idea.
I found bruises on my neck from barfing out the window.
He came out in cowboy boots and underpants holding a beer while he hugged my mom. I love Montana.
This is simple. Just sex and high fives. No feelings.
How could I forget your birthday? I have an alarm in my phone to ask you for sex that day.
YOU'RE FORCING ME TO BLOW A GUY BY NOT ANSWERING MY CALLS
I just woke up from quarter beer tuesdays wearing 3 pairs of underwear, none of which are the ones I left wearing...2 Around my waist and one around my shoulder in an attempt at a bra. At least drunk me tries to be decent?
How many other adults do you think have slept naked under the Winnie the Pooh blanket sober?
I wrote myself a letter, like I think drunk me wants to be pen pals or something
Stop inviting Kevin over. The dickless wonder started playing some strange Sci-FY music and speaking an alien language and the girls split.
You almost lost your european virginity to a Peruvian man waering a do-rag in a port-a-potty.
For the love of all that is holy just take the tranquilizers Erica
Randomize
