Our cab driver just admitted to beating up kids in the 60's who didn't smoke pot...
so high and i think i just ordered a magic bullet.
did you call within the first 18 minutes? can i have the free one?
We decided I could make bicurious-jitos or ho-meh-jitos or heteroflexible-jitos. But not homojitos.
Just fell asleep during a bikini wax. Thank god for day drinking.
Totally just projectile vomited while ridind a bicycle.
I walked in on her just letting her nose bleed into her friend's hands
On monday, while we were having crazy monkey sex, I earned $82. Vacation pay rocks.
he pulled a $400 bottle of champagne out of the back part of his toiled and I was ready to blow him then and there
Peanut butter balls.
IF YOU EVEN COME NEAR MY BALLS AGAIN I SWEAR TO GOD
When we were finished I asked him how long it had been since he'd cum that hard. He thought really hard for a while before telling me his brain forgot how years worked.
Got back to find Sarah in her underwear eating peanut butter and watching Arrested Development with the thermostat at eighty.
There comes a point, as I lay on the floor of the work disabled toilets contemplating catching 10 minutes sleep between chunders, that I wonder if its really worth it
If you don't wanna wax my ass just say so.
My trash can is full of used condoms and girl scout cookie boxes.
Just FYI: if you happen to notice a liquid of some sort on my kitchen counter with an interesting color/ texture, don't taste it
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