I just woke up with a girl who has left and right tattoed on her wrists. In french. I may need to stop drinking.
i think you shook his penis after he was done peeing.
at a bonfire and someone threw a plastic cup in the fire. everyone immediately stopped what they were doing to yell collectively at him about what he was doing to the environment, then went back to drinking
only in oregon
I glued a penny on the door Tricia believes its Patrick Swayze haunting our apartment. Fuckin potheads.
I wish everyone walked around campus with a video of what they did this weekend above their heads.
I feel like royalty, that girl from last night had a vajazzled vag. Bucket list complete.
I wish you would always start your sentences with "speaking of my clit..."
I'm making celebratory pizza rolls. They're a lot like regular pizza rolls, but without the taste of shame.
I'll be accepting presents in the forms of drinks, drugs, and orgasms. So any or all of those will be fine.
Called the cops on a high school party then went in after all the kids ran away and took the rest of the beer. What are you doing tonight?
I'm in this weird masturbatory haze making onion rings. If you want to come over we can eat these suckers and play TF2.
Why don't we hang out more often?
I want to be "performing a disservice to society by actually wearing clothes in public" hot.
It was probably bad to sleep with someone just to pet his dog right?
Dude, you fell into a tree, and both of the tables, AND the window well... Resilient aren't you?
His mom knocked on the door during morning sex because we were being too loud...now i have to meet her for the first time
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