my ex just saw me in his brothers bed. fuck yes revenge feels good
she refuses to pay for the plan b and so do i. it's the most dangerous game of chicken i've ever been involved in. but i have my pride.
Hes the only one i know who can talk to a girl for an entire hour abuot the science in starwars and still get laid.
Sorry for locking you out after accusing you of eating my Skittles... I realized I was mistaken after just throwing up the rainbow.
Do you think they make a "sorry in my drunken debauchery I dropped a pumpkin off the balcony and you happened to be standing right there/get well soon" card?
You said you wanted to start a restaurant called 'Barbecue' where everything is barbecued. You sounded really proud of your concept.
I threw up sweet potatoes. Worst thing to throw up ever. They came back mashed.
Dude you were tripping so badly we put a pretend box around your head and you spoke silently for the rest of the night. I think pterodactyls were involved.
it looks like my getting laid tonight is going to depend on my knowledge of native birds. this is a weird party
i think he spiked my sandwich with a viagra
I'm pretty sure I just discovered what the American Dream is said the person eating a hotdog for breakfast in bed in her underwear
How's my date look?
Like a retarded elf
In a good way
I saw a classic trojan enz laying on his desk. So he's probably not into the kinky shit.
He struggled for a second trying to unhook my bra and I said "4/10. Novice."
so i might have slept on your bathroom floor last night...
Randomize
