i told him he had the best dick i've ever seen. then supposedly i kept repeating "peter piper picked the perfect penis"
and this is why i am such an inspirational person, i am the Joel Osteen of alcoholics.
No one goes out in public like that, unless they do anal
she's like bobby knight all she does is scream and point
last thing I heard her say before I passed out was 'this is great. I never get to be the big spoon.'
Looking for the remote in the couch. Finding Adderall beads. Considering utilizing.
You're a disgrace to the female race and the love triangle and halloween.
Lots of alcohol last night skiing this morning = me throwing up off chairlift
Wow. I feel like a bad friend. My fuckbuddy wished you a happy birthday before I did. The reality of that just hit me.
In other news, I just sent her a video of me masturbating while driving in the rain, so I guess you could say I've mastered Snapchat
And all i could do was bury the part of me that felt guilty for cradle robbing and put on my dick swallowing bib.
My condom drawer is now filled with W-2s and tax return documents. Is this adulting?
Should I wish him a happy birthday?
Well he has been inside of you enough times that you probably should.
My law teacher drew an elephant on the board in class. I was so high that I laughed for 5 minutes straight. Nobody else laughed and everyone stared. 130 people knew I was high.
Cops swarmed my car last night in the walmart parking lot cause of the paper plate
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