dear life, i get it, drinking is not a contest
Night out in new white coat = success. Offered free breast exams all night, two took me up on it, woke up with one. I love medical school!!!
Alright, so what's my next move? I already posted a Milli Vanilli video on her wall
She just told me she's too full for a reach-around. Sad.
Did I ever tell u about how my buddy fucked peter coors's daughter and made a tshirt that said I TAPPED THE ROCKIES with her picture on it?
There's a creepy homeless guy with no hand trying to get up on our tacobell order
Haha you were definitely messed up. Let me know if you need anything
Could really use a time machine and a higher self esteem, in that order
I'm giving great sideboob & it's being wasted on my parents.
I knew when her mom came in spraying me with Febreeze telling me I smelled like shame it was going to be a rough day.
Nothing says "future AA member" like bonging 40's out of a plastic flamingo.
No my first time having an orgasm with you will not be on face time
Do you know how awkward it is to get a dick pic while working at babies r us?
we're having rib night followed by a cultural enlightenment party
whats a cultural enlightenment party
we eat nachos and drink margaritas and tequila till we pass out
Shit. My boss is having me meet and greet with the new doc upstairs. Do you think his doctor powers will detect that I'm still high?
Dude I can't beleive you didn't wake up. I literally f'd her IN THE DISHWASHER. Btw I'm pretty sure I also kinda broke the dishwasher.
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