Do you realize that Last night you pissed in my closet and then walked to the bathroom to wash your hands?
promise me that when we are 32, we will look nothing like Kim Zolciak. Promise me right this instant.
I mean, I'm twenty four years old and I've never paid for my own drink. You can't say that any of your ex girlfriends boobs are THAT great.
it only took 2 hours but we managed to melt the purity ring down with a butane torch
My girlfriend is studying for the MCAT by watching The Magic Schoolbus. There go my dreams of being a househusband.
WHAT DID YOU SAW VERBATIM. VERBATIM IS SOBER FOR WORD FOR WORD
But he's not just anonymous male genitalia anymore. I've met him, I've seen his face.
So hungover im counting my own breaths to make sure im not dead. The odds hurt.
I'm kinda surprised he wouldn't be honored to take me back as a fuck buddy.
I mean in all honesty I would let James Franco shit on my chest. End of story
apparently I got pissed off that no one would let me spray them with a bottle of champagne at midnight of the new year. so I sprayed myself with one shirtless in the near freezing cold outside
I'm eating year old chocolate from the trash can. It was in a ziploc bag but still, this is a new low. Help me.
It's probably not a good thing when it isn't even 6:30 and I've already drank an entire bottle of wine. By myself. I'm watching Spice World and I just bought 2 Spice Girls albums off itunes.
Make that 3 Spice Girls albums.
A piece of your chipped nail polish just fell out of my crotch.
The high school classes are online, not my sex life. He still comes over for “teacher / parent conferences.” A couple more “conferences” and I’ll be able to rewrite the Sex Ed curriculum
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