there's paper in my vomit.
It' a whole new level of walk of shame. I'm carrying his sheets since I have a washer/dryer.
U asked everyone for their hoodies so u could "safely hug the cactus"
You tried to call "time out" during the sobriety test.
These People Are The Epitome of Lazy
Jim came in did 3 body shots of her she said "I like your tongue" and they left. I swear to god its deja vu he's done it before
you have a wonderful penis attached to someone I'm having a lot of problems with right now
I just peed in a flower pot on the veranda while crying and holding a drink
Okay I know I said I was going to quit drinking for a while but apparently pumpkin pie flavored vodka is a thing and I will not rest until I have some.
I'm ready to sell my soul to the strip club tonight
Disturbing Scenes People Witnessed As Children
There are some things you can ever unsee. And walking in on your dad jerking off is one of those things.
As the cops are taking us away I see the strippers taking our DD backstage.
Do you remember making out with the dude in the back of my cab last night?? You said his mustache tickled your tongue.
Learn from my mistakes, you naive soul: Gay love triangles are just as dangerous as straight love triangles.
Your poor dick will look at you and scowl for all the abuse he's going to take this week.
The dicks good but it's not two trains and a bus good.