mark looks like s**t tonight! thank da lawd we broke up!
it's mark...i'm guessing you didn't mean to send that to me...
he thought i was passed out so he proceeded to jerk off while i lay on the floor next to him
the last thing i remember is fucking her. GAME CHANGER i woke up in another bedroom to her younger sister blowing me
i wish i could swallow nair and shit it out and it would get rid of all my ass hair.
I'm leaving my hospital band on when we go drinking tonight. I'm aiming for pity sex.
I'm standing in the shower drinking with the light off and a candle lit, listening to Amy Winehouse. Be proud.
Nothing says Welcome to America than having the international house watch a sorority girl puke over the edge of the porch at 8am.
Anne I just took two ambiens. I think my body is melting into my blow up bed. Like a stick of butter just slowly melting. And I'm alright. Don't be afraid. I'll be alright.
I have a boner and a quesadilla why aren't you here
When you sober up and come in here, I'm in your bed because you pissed on me in mine. So fuck. Off.
She was hiding under the bed to surprise me with sex. But when you took your hookup in my room to bang things out, she thought I was cheating on her. So explain it to her douche.
I'm unsure as to how you were able to snapchat me with your hands duck taped to beer, but I appreciated it nonetheless.
My g-ma saw your dick-pic and wants you to know I've got a keeper. She says her big whopper died in Korea. Good thing g-pa is still asleep.
I hope your face alive. Lemme know if you are breathing in the morning. If not. Whoever is reading this tell me when the funeral for this awesome mother fucker is and we will rage at that event. Kthanksbye
I've never had sex that lasts this long though. It's ridiculous. I feel like I need a Gatorade and a sweatband and a sub.