If he comes back to you and I'm left alone in lonelytown I'm totally going to poo on your car.
That's the great thing about NY, if you pee your dress you have an entire cab ride to air dry your panties before the next club.
There's a warrant out for his arrest for throwing a mannequin through a bus stop.
Every shot buddy I have I end up blowing. I don't know whether this pattern is good or bad.
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I'm sending you the three minute video I jus took,....it's of me eating a pear up close
I Pavlov-trained him by smacking him in the nuts anytime I caught him looking at another girl in public. To this day, he's afraid to break eye contact with me in a restaurant if a tall busty blonde walks in.
Finally smoked with my brothers, I feel like I just won gold at the Best Older Brother Ever Olympics
I guess I'll just chalk it up as a learning experience and a lot of great sex.
I know you saw me get knocked out after I stepped on that rake why did you leave me there
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I used an emoji to tell him I was pregnant. I should feel bad about that, right?
I like to oil my gears with cheap vodka and strangers
Dealing with people is so much easier after you've had an orgasm or 4.
I'm at a sex party and there's a guy in an ICP jersey and trip pants. I see now that this is the moment in the movie of my life I recognize I have a problem
We just broke up and deleting his dick pics is the hardest thing I've ever had to do.
...Just hit my fuck buddy with my car.
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