what time did you get home last night?
SO late...when your in the lap of a 35 year old superstar you loose track of time
He said to me " i could be your father but i dont care"...it was so hott
a very overweight girl in the ER just said she trippped over the invisible wii jump rope and fell
ejected that DVD during the department meeting.. it was our porn from last night. I have a new nick-name at work.
I just remember telling jokes while vomitting
These 19 Teachers Had Very Inappropriate Interactions With Students
He had Jail Releases phone number programed into speed dial on his phone.
In retrospect pumpkin carving while drinking Patron was a bad idea.
she was eating donuts out of the garbage. enough said.
if i got ashes i think they'd burn a hole into my head with the amount of sins i've committed this year alone and it's only february
Agreed then we'll really be on our A game tomorrow. And by A I mean alcohol.
Women Confess 25 Instant Deal-Breakers On A Man’s Dating Profile
Did I fall on/off the boat yesterday? Cuz my right leg looks and feels like if it got hit by shrapnel.
Care to explain the single rose and the package of "Cowboy Moustaches" I found on the porch?
Enroute to my place eta 6 mikes...estimated time until intoxicated? 45 mikes. Commence the timer.
She's running around the streets punching people and narrating. I don't know whether to laugh or stop her
I just need to get a little drunker before I realize I'm not straight
Somehow his homemade liquor activated memories of my semester abroad three years ago. I ended up yelling random medical advice in German, while my roommates played dress-up with the cat stoned out of their minds. I consequently gave up on dating. Back in the ONS game.
Randomize
