I'm sooo using this pickup line: "Baby, its not the 2.5 inches... Its the 200 pounds behind it"
You watched "From Justin to Kelly" and sang along to more than half of the songs. I didn't know whether to laugh or to be insanely frightened that you knew almost all the lyrics.
you came back at 4am in a suit jacket and a half eaten burrito...
They're like penises that have been put in a blender.
Found my phone laying in a snow angel outside my apt this morning.
Ok well I'll be up all night studying if you need a wake up call or a place to put your penis.
Cuz its complicated and I hate complicated and I miss your penis
I puked in my fridge last night while I was trying to get water
The cop told you to put your hands behind your back and you slurred "I'm not falling for that again"
I have tan lines from my nipple rings.
Yes, yes I will fake crap in his house for you.
Woke up in the middle of my kitchen clutching a cheesy gordita crunch
I flashed my cleaning lady and don't remember who I went on a date with. I know who I woke up with though, that counts right?
Once you share a nude experience with someone and three Norwegian guys, you're bound for life.
Just put on slippers before underwear so you know where my priorities are