Funny, I didnt know that facebook statuses were for crappy song lyrics
Getting a high five from your dog when you're stoned is one the greatest rewards of being a pet owner.
I just made a 90's Nickelodeon TV theme song power hour mix...I don't want to build it up but your head might explode
For future reference, even the most well-intentioned game of whiskey pong is a terrible idea.
29 Petty People Reveal The Shallow Reasons They Turned Someone Down
I feel like I should limit myself to one meal prepared from a box per day
You make shower sex sound like waterboarding
apparently he's bringing me two things i like. he said one was him and i'm assuming the other one is his penis
When the tupperware hit the highway it was like a vomit bomb
How can he have such a manly penis and baby hands?!
21 Horribly Evil Pranks To Play On Your Drunk Friends
Mistake of the day: loudly discussing my gay hookups on the phone at the dmv in upstate NY... this must be what leprosy feels like
Dude..this is the third year in a row me and him have fucked at a super bowl party..does that count as a tradition?
Life isn't about who you kiss, drunk, at midnight. It's who you text nonsense to, sober, from the toilet.
I consider my hand a solid 5. So if I'm dipping below a 7.5, I might as well go with old faithful.
I'm at the level of despair that only Panda Express can fix
You ever sit back and realize our friendship is based off us ranting at each other with random animal photos thrown in