I knew you were drunk when you poured scotch on a croissant and ate it.
she told me i tasted like america
she's sitting here naked with heels and a taco.
I actually had fun getting arrested. That high.
23 Adults Confess The Irrational Fears They Had When They Were Kids
Do you have any idea how hard it is to hit on your nurse while getting an HIV test.
I would watch the shit out of some full house right now.
Please, take the 2 shots of vodka that I left as an apologie.
sea world and a strip club? BEST DAY EVER!
I'm not entirely sure what happened last night, but I think I dislocated my kneecap during an epic Mario Kart battle...
These 25 Women First Experienced Sexual Harassment At A Shocking Age
Just used an eyelash curler to open my beer since I didn't have a bottle opener. Things are starting to look up.
Seriously I can't get a booty call for some baked goods.
So now I can cross "have my ass be someone's phone background" off the bucket list. You know, if it was something I actually had wanted to happen.
the only thing she has in her apt so far is toilet paper and shot glasses. you can see where the priorities lie.
Pretty sure we're going to get a cease & desist notice from the Make A Wish Foundation, but until then...
I told him I wanted to fuck him and he hasn't texted me back in 4 days...am I missing something