dude wtf did we explode in my microwave last night?
idk but i think it had a face
I didn't know that people actually queef. Is this a real thing?
I believe so, yes.
Would you be offended if I asked if it has happened to you?
I need to buy a mesh tank top to fit in in Florida. Where do they even sell that shit?
Did the walk of shame past her kids. I'm younger than one of them.
Fell asleep in bio again. Sometimes i feel like college is just one really expensive nap.
I had a dream that I got a gift certificate to a lavish spa from my father. I think dream dad, along with real dad, think I'm gay.
Things I have learned since the start of my first college spring break: do not fart in an enclosed space (such as a shower stall) when hungover. You will throw up. More lessons to follow as week continues.
Gonna open a taco bell in colorado. Millions bro.
Just spread butter on my bathrobe. This has been an ace morning.
We're now referring to our nightly Skype time as "strokes of genius." Long distance sucks.
So....I just took a paddle fan on high speed to the side of the head while getting head...still finished the job, good thing I'm drunk and couldn't feel it.
He was so high he started playing Twister on the striped rug. Then when we missed midnight he went on a screaming rampage about his New Year's Eve being meaningless. How do you think it went?
Dude mama brought home the bacon, i got his HBO account i guess that makes up for his by par skills in bed.
sorry for running off in the middle of that heart to heart. free food.
Too high to wash a dish but just high enough for a kitchen fire
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