distance makes the heart seek blowjobs from girls that are closer i heard.
I accidentally requested the ides of march off instead of st patricks day. Is this an omen? will alcohol be my brutus?
I think i found piece of your tooth in my dick this morning when i took a shower
I just found out that the liquid capacity of my breasts is 700ml each. I should not be left alone at home when drunk.
well, 500 bucks doesn't grown on trees, and i need that bear suit for any chance of vagina access.
he tried to make a toast, but hit the moving ceiling fan with his beer instead
6 margaritas later and free shots of tequila, i woke up with a fat lip and they said i blew my nose in a slice of bread
BABIES FOR EVERYONE. I'd be like Oprah except with babies
But think about it. I could put her gold medal around my penis
my phone went off during the middle of it and he ask what i was doing. he wouldn't let my reply with "your boss". ..
Guys always stop talking to me right around the point that if they bought me food a couple times I would probably have sex with them.
The sun is out, the birds are chirping, I made some brownies, I'm not pregnant
This is literally what my 13-year old cousin said to me this morning.
You know that thing where you wouldn't typically eat ass but you're in love with him so you want to eat his ass, because it's HIS ass
I do have a history of lying to Customs. I once convinced them I was an astronaut.
You don't have to buy me dinner, watch tv or even hang out if you don't want. Just fuck.
Randomize
