if any two of us come back from the bar and aren't getting laid we will systematically destroy everything in the kitchen
Have you learned any life lessons?
I like big butts and I cannot lie.
Well, for starters you dressed up in all Green and kept singing that song from "A Goofy Movie". Then you made us call you Powerline for the rest of the night...needless to say no, you didn't hook up with her
yeah you're probably right.. i should stop equating love with getting naked on a webcam for him.
I just got this text "hi this is Julie, I met you last night in the bathroom. You asked me to text you and remind you that you ate an entire lime, because you figured your sober self in the morning would be confused."
i miss our vodka / percocet laundry days.
Sorry if I put you in that 'glad we're hanging out but I'm gonna go fuck your cousin' kind of position
i decided i'll just settle for a gay guy who can manage to fuck me like the straight guys do. but here i go again, talking about my dream man.
I couldn't find the bathroom last night...so I wrapped myself in the curtains and stuck my butt out the window and peed from two stories up. Thank god I don't remember.
I gave his parents a candle as a thanks for letting me hang out there all the time. Which i guess is more accurately a thanks-for-letting-me-fuck-your-son candle
Today I'm playing this game called how physically long can I Lay in this one spot before moving, do you have an estimated time of departure?
He keeps telling me he's gonna get me dope for my birthday. 1. HELP ME. 2. HOW IS THAT AN ACCEPTABLE BIRTHDAY PRESENT. Also, please HELP ME.
He seems like a super lonely dude. I bet if I gave him a picture of my tits he wouldn't make me turn in this paper.
You bring me burritos. Of course I text you during sex
You've got the chocolate, drugs and my pants. You hold all the cards...
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