I love reading their "i love you more" , "no i love you more" war on facebook today knowing that he hooked up with me last night. I bet i know who wins that one.
You kept yelling that her vagina looked like a hatchet wound.
Last night I went to an anything but cups party. I took a hummingbird feeder. It was a terrible decision.
Max was wondering if he could trade you sex for the use of your jumper cables
Will you be topless? That will affect my answer.
I may only be a second year med student but I feel very confident in calling that a micropenis.
in literally every picture i'm wearing less and less of my costume.
It's not really that big. Girls just think it feels big. It's a cocktical illusion.
Why did I just find out you and Andrew had sex right next to my face when I passed out on the beach?
At the time it seemed romantic and its also extremely frowned down upon to leave a passed out person by themselves in an unfamiliar place.
Why did I wake up by myself then?
I also turned off the Anchorman DVD start menu before cause I didn't want Will Ferrel watching me lose my virginity.
No more margaritas for you. Also, tequila should be reclassified as a hallucinogen.
dude I just found tht weird ass guy u invited last night passed out in my closet.... apparently he "couldn't find the exit"
I've done dumber things than this for flimsier reasons. Come with. If I pull it off I need a witness, and if I fail I need an escape plan.
Just went to Meijer. Purchased furnace filters, fishing line, red lipstick and pregnancy test. And if my purchase alone wasn't classy enough, I took the pregnancy test in the Meijer bathroom because Im on my way to the bar and wanted to know if that was a good idea or not. Cheers to no babies!
I’m done with him. I’m going to the beach to catch a fresh dick
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