he doesn't have near as many excuses as you..and his are usually pretty legit. like "i'm having a baby." that's pretty legit.
why the fuck does my google maps say i'm in punjab?!?!? u think it has to do with like...outsourcing?
my brother wants to know why there are wet balloons in his bed and i think you forgot to throw the condoms away but im too hungover to check if thats what hes talking about
My mom asked me if I was being satisfied, sexually. And then discussed positioning.
She did my hair, then ate me out. Switching teams was an awesome decision.
I believe nudity is frowned upon at that establishment
I made it crystal clear I'm only upset because he's not anywhere fit to be a father of my unborn zygote
I think my AA sponsor just booty called me.
You know, we cock-blocked like 5 people last night. It's like we're her vagina goalies
She showed up after 3 hours and proceded to make us all feel like resonable human beings. I dont know how she did it but she did it.
this is an emotional support booty call
So my POF profile is full of Archer references. Only guys who get them will be getting any response to their messages.
Almost lost a vagina lip in the great shave of '16
my ex logged me out of his netflix so im gonna fuck his bestfriend as revenge
All I remember is pissing by the garage and the next thing I know I'm on fire
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