u cheatin on me?
if i did i would try to upgrade babe.
I didn't shave. On purpose
The highlight of my Saturday night was singing along to the sound of music alone in my room.
i tried to hook up with a mom and then her husband came with num chucks
She's thinkin about havin beer pong at her reception... She's walkin a fine line between trashy and the best idea ever
we boned then he told me that he had a thing for my gay roommate. worst night ever
Next time I say "Watch this" Get me the fuck out of the bar.
Well you really should've thought of that before you painted your walls the same color as your toilet
he just texted me saying he needs a place to stay for the night. pretty sure i just got booty called to my own house...
There are two things I love in this world. Dick and cats. Why can't I just have dick and cats forever
i want us to warm up up with us making out while i lay you down touching and feeling all the spots you know are going to get you warmed up. im gonna move down your body kissing every inch as i move down past your panty line ;)
Did you watch the carolina game tonight?
So much for doing Irish car bombs in my grandpa's memory.... Asshole.
You were mean to me and you broke my heart and hurt my feelings. You dont get to talk to me about Peter Dinklage
She was nothing like her profile said, we had nothing in common, and her picture mustve been like 30 pounds ago. But yeah we hooked up
I'm slowly starting to accept that you have to be a sociopath to be attracted to me
Randomize
