In these economic times, linking arms taking tequilla shots with your boss as an underage girl is the best job security I can think of
some 7 year old just told me his favorite rapper was eminem and kim got what she deserved...god damn today's youth is in a dark period
i want to open my blinds to let the sunlight in my room, but i'm afraid my neighbors will be able to see me drinking and judge me
Thanks for telling my landlord that the poop stain was yours and not my secret dog.
I've officially decided that whoever created hate sex should be on my christmas card list.
Well on the bright side, I only need a sophomore to complete the fuck-a-guy-from-every-year-challenge.
The only people who have said happy valentines day to me today have been 2 homeless people.
Just put my hand under my pillow and found a peach ring. Lat night just came rushing back.
Nicee. Atleast your phone doesn't change pen in to PENISsSSSSSSS like mine does
i just wrote an ode to an enchilada dorito. i'll need that pregnancy test now please.
He just showed up with a bottle of wild turkey a half a can of coke and some marshmallows yelling "gobble gobble bitches" my roommates hate my cousin
Hey start looking around for a low rider Subaru. Well get a loan. It will be capital for our first music video.
I saw the attitude and didn't even try. Line of the night from one guy who talked with them for a while said, "I don't meet you standards. I have a job and would treat you well." She was blank faced.
there's a 50/50 chance the night will end in alcohol-induced rituals of satanic nature
What happened last night? All I know is that I walked into class this morning and everyone was chanting my name.
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