i'm sorry if your life is a sore subject
Please stop sending me picture messages of your shit. Seriously. I don't care if it looks like popcorn chicken.
Acid is not a monday night drug
She looks makes a Zellweger face when she cums, she's keeps asking why I call her renee
Woke up to sesame street reruns and a $62 pizza bill. Never again. I mean it this time.
I'm sorry. Both for you two breaking up and because I just ate some of your cheez it's.
And then you gave the bride a high five and said "Go forth and Consummate."
I feel compelled to tell you that I woke up this morning and found an entire corn on the cob in my purse. Ive decided not to question my drunken behavior anymore, and to just accept it as my lifestyle.
i mean, some people chug beer and some people chug hard liquor. some people have good ideas and some people have bad ideas. it's all about perspective.
You said "sustain yourself" quietly over and over as you fed joeys hamster cashews. Acid you is a trip
I asked for a steak knife but the waitress could see in my eyes it was a bad idea
As your attorney I advise you to rage rapidly
we need to make pact to not cut each other's hair on coke and whiskey nights.
While I agree, I dont think thats realistically possible
Maybe because you rubbed my clit while we were making churros
You're now part of the minority of friends who haven't seen my boobs.
Randomize
