Just be blunt and say drink from my dick
What's everyones problem with my costume?!
It looks like a unicorn came on your face.
good call on bringing her. it's always good to invite chicks who mix booze and prescription drugs.
i'm gonna be such a cougar when i'm older...i just facebook stalked my little sister's 13 yr old boyfriend while drinking a bottle of wine....
woke up with withdrawal cold sweats this morning. spring break must really be over.
In my junk email folder, there are literally 67 messages from Alcoholics Anonymous. What..the fuck.
We had unprotected sex and she's eating life cereal for breakfast. The universe is telling me get the plan b for her
did you by any chance leave me that 7 minute long voicemail of you running and constantly tripping into bushes?
My "Week Of Not Checking Into OK Cupid So I Don't Hook Up With Another Fat Chick" lasted four hours. On the plus side, she was the smallest one yet.
After a certain point, you just want to make it work. Prove to yourself that you're smarter than the vibrator.
Well he just said "there's glass on the floor and it's okay I'm only bleeding out of my esophagus" so yes he's tripping
You better buy her a motherfucking bunnyrabit to make up for this. And me footsie pajamas for being a cockblock.
I'm starting to think that Cosmic Steve ripped me off
I had a rough night. I'm just gonna lay here and masturbate for a while before I have to go adult.
I was at a hookups house and peed in his sink so I wouldn't wake up his mom... drunk me is on a different level
Randomize
