Yeah, where have you been?
Clearly not facebooking enough. Sweet jesus.
It's sad that I have started checking out the ring finger before the rack...I'm getting old
The girl sitting next to me in class is writing her to-do list under the title 11/31.
hearing that almost makes me feel good about peeing on the coffee table
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i mean i should have known that when i started taking shots with my zumba instructor i was in for a rough night...
searching my car for your cum before I have to give my grandma a ride to the airport. Thanks for this
Dude. The girls called me over to see what they had in their dorm. They snuck in a pigeon in a cardboard box. They named it Quincey. They swear they're sober.
I don't want to hear about you making out with a high schooler. I just had the best sex of my life. My face and arms went numb in the middle of it.
My stepdad and I just tag-team hit on a server at McDonald's. This is the man I should have grown up with.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Every time I there's a break up, I'm left with an animal. That's it. No more mutual pets.
Definitely got a blow job in Charles Schwab's bed last night.
I love my job.
So the woman who sold us weed at the park is pregnant. With another small child. And the basket she used to carry the joints is decorated with Barney stickers.
She's like a yuppie Nancy Botwin. She just gets better and better.
The man at the checkout said "Somebody's not fucking around".
It's gonna be a good night
you blew the guy with all the harry potter paraphanelia didn't you
Me and my boss just exchanged pictures of our bongs and such...I don't know I feel about this
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