you dont want to live with me, im always naked, a chronic masturbator, a bit of a voyeur and will likely touch you while you sleep. ps- i can pick locks
If you don't answer the phone then I will be forced to leave you a wonderful voicemail of me throwing up
just convinced someone I was a virgin. I love when people don't know me.
I jerked off enough times today to safely commit to the fact that im not getting laid tonight
when you agree to fuck a guy it does by NO means make it okay for his roommate to hide in the closet with doritos and watch
Sorority life is like alcoholic girl scouts, plus douchebags in polos.
Just hook me up with your dad already stop being selfish
You know what? I bet HE would do stormtrooper roleplay with me. I'm in.
I woke up to find my purse full of puke, and all I could think was not again.
Just got assigned a beer bong as hw in fluids to demonstrate the inverse of pascals principle. I love this prof
Honestly, it's his loss. He went for the free sample when he could've gotten the whole package, babes.
does that make me the free sample at the grocery store he didn't like enough to buy...? yeah, that advice didn't help, but thanks.
He wouldn't let me put a red handprint on his face or scream to him everytime he walked away.
Why did you want to do any of that?
If someones last name is Wilson, you are obligated to pretend that you are Tom Hanks and they are a Volleyball and quote the movie when you speak to them.
I've had your balls on my face a bunch of times so the least you could do is buy a girl some dinner.
i sent him a picture of his friend's dick and told him he should really stop thinking he's my only option.
It’s the biggest dick I’ve ever seen. His IQ drops 25 points when he’s hard because there’s no blood going to his brain
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