How can something that makes you feel so good one day make you feel so bad the next?
Alcohol?
Sex with a fat chick.
John Mayer's mother should have swallowed him when she had the chance.
As in blowjob or cannibalism?
I was thinking blowjob, but either would've been a better idea than giving him a record deal.
My roommate got wasted last night and went to the 24 hour Bally's Total Fitness at 3 A.M. He got back took his shirt off, made a protein shake, puked, asked me if he was almost as jacked as Ronnie Coleman then called ME gay before I could say anything and went to bed
I had to stop messing around with him for fear of laughing in his face. I swear it was a pinky finger in his pants
Slutapocalypse this thursday. Invite every freshieee you hooked up with this semester to my house. Think of it like a meet n greet for them and battle of the sluts for us.
He stole her cigarettes and walked 15 miles just so he wouldn't have to wake up next to her. God I love being a lesbian.
he just made me do "this little piggy" to his toes.
I found my underwear on the sidewalk 8 blocks from her house while on my walk of shame. I also found our beer bag and a full beer in the bush.
Just hooked up with the fireman who put out the quesadilla fiasco last tuesday.
I need a vacation from myself..this is duely noted after I tried giving myself a concussion last night
I'm drunk at a gay bar with my riding crop. God save the queens
We should have a bouncer at the top of our stairs asking the guys we bring home for ID...
Apparently I took a selfie with fried chicken at 2 am....I'm still trying to figure out where I got the chicken. I thought I was making mac & cheese.
Can you come get me? I woke up in the woods behind the Super 8. I have pizza.
At one point, the bartender wrote out the words "please kill me" on some receipt paper and slid it across the bar to me.
Randomize
