i can't believe i haven't brushed my teeth. and i just kissed my grandma. I'm going to hell.
If only Ben were 51% gay instead of 49%
in hindsight, drinking 2 bottles of wine probably wasnt going to put me in an optimal position for a job interview
you're out of your mind
you look like daphne blake and he looks like fozzie bear
it's like he rubbed a lamp and wished you into existence
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People are suprisingly accepting of someone doing a walk of shame in a toga...
it's fine if we fail the bar, we were never going to satisfy the moral character requirement anyway
Everything's fine I'm just stoned and my pillows are too soft.
Are we doing anything tonight after class for Valentine's Day or just being lazy and having sex?
If you expect me to say anything other than 'lazy and sex' you're crazzzzy!
So never has there been a greater Valentine's Day gift than you actually putting a new roll of toilet paper on for me after using the old roll up! You didn't even use the new roll. You clearly put that on from a gentleman's standpoint vs. a selfish standpoint. I love you!!!!
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I WAS KIDDING ABOUT SLUTEMBER BUT ITS ACTUALLY HAPPENING
you said something about joining a k-pop band before passing out topless on the trampoline.
Tell me not to drink and get on ladders. I think I need the reminder.. I'm clumsy enough sober.
You threw up at the outdoor bar and it was pretty...astonishing just how much can come out of such a small human.
rest in peace liver.
It was nice having you occupy space in my body that could be holding beer n chicken.
that's going in my livers obituary.
LACE UP YOUR GODDAMN SHOES
N O
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