Say "Steve Buscemi is hot." with a straight face.
Have you ever noticed how boring internet porn is after you cum? I can't shut my computer fast enough.
Remember when you picked me up from my walk of shame with a bike, I came out wearing a Ninja Turtle costume and you let me ride the pegs to thoroughly display the embarassment
This is probably the only time in my life I'm going to be able to say I'm going to the hospital too smoke weed and play Mario kart.
It's just good to know that when I drink like a twenty year old I still act like one.
Also, if you all get arrested i'm coming to laugh at you because i don't have the money for bail.
Just to warn you I probably wont be able to do anything that involves standing up
They just showed up to the party with a shopping cart full stolen of naty ice cans, no boxes, just cans. Shit just got real !
He got hotter. I'm offended on behalf of the rest of our graduating year.
So yeah, turns out I enjoy vaguely public group sex. Who knew?
I wish everyone could suck his dick. It was an honor.
I didn't want him to hear me sneaking in. The doggie door was the perfect solution.
Ughh I think I'll just sit here in the dark and wallow in self-pity while drinking wine and knitting scarves for my future cats.
I woke up and couldn't find her. She had somehow managed to get into the closet and lock herself in. She was crying for her boyfriend. Thirsty Thursday at its finest
Did you finish that presentation yet?
No but don’t worry about it. I do my best work in the middle of the night. I’m like a hamster.
Randomize
