I'm pounding a vodka drink as we speak to make her interesting
I puked in a mailbox on the way back from your house.
I just cut my nipple shaving
I'm pretty sure "Like A Prayer" will forever remind me of drunk nights & pants down around the ankles
i have essays due online every friday...im just going to write 'im hungover' for every one
stranger just walked up to the fridge at the party, took the hawaiin punch out, drank it straight from the bottle, looked at everyone who stared in awe and said "im fucking thirsty" and put it back.
i feel like arbor mist is too classy for that. you need a colt 45
Yeah you're right. The one time when arbor mist is too classy
Don't worry we didnt bang. Sometimes I just bring guys home so I don't order pizza.
My grandma paid her handyman in pain killers. I now know why this is in my genes
You fell asleep leaning on my shoulder at the bar
I'm challenging a 70 yr old alcoholic woman who is half my size tonight. Wish me luck
If you don't get head tonight I will castrate you
Seriously. Castrate.
Went outside and he was playing rock paper scissors with a cop over a drunk in public ticket.
Obviously last night's theme was "Let's Make Bad Life Choices"
In my defense I didn't know there was concrete on the other side of that fence when I tossed him over it.
You're both fucking idiots and this is why I should never let you two drink alone.
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