I just walked through a room full of deaf people and farted i love deaf people
Yea went to the bars and he called me 2 hours later with random people saying he is at a place that i don't think exists
I just blew my nose and little bits of weed came out.
Is it weird that I want your dad to go down on me?
I sat on his lap and we shared a beer. I feel like that's an invitation to his dick.
Of course I will... FYI I just gave my balls a crew cut.
I woke up in my living room, on the floor, wearing nothing but a fur coat?
It's meant to be, Cynthia. You, him, and your developed breasts are meant for each other.
I consider my hand a solid 5. So if I'm dipping below a 7.5, I might as well go with old faithful.
You both snapchatted me that. Like, I just got a double dose of penis pastry.
listen i get youre a daddy dom but that doesnt give you a pass to make dad jokes
Now all I have unanswered questions and a fucked up finger
Matt is trying to convince me that we have a deal where if I show him my tits he won't do cocaine. Apparently we shook hands on it?
You hear the wildest shit in a Walmart bathroom.
Shit day. Some kids decided to open my car at 3 AM while I was at work and the alarm went off. I went after them with a sword but they were minors so I didn't kill them.
Randomize
