If a girl drunk dials you she's at least entertained the idea of sleeping w/ you correct?
YES
you left him a drunk voicemail of you singing speechless by lady gaga balling your eyes out
I told my mom happy mother's day then rubbed my belly and said "Oh, and happy grandmother's day too..." She started sobbing. You were right, that wasn't the best way to tell her.
fuck. I just remembered I agreed to let you finger me last night for solely for "scientific purposes"
I've slowly been stuffing french fries down his pants. I'm at 31 and he hasn't even noticed.
I packed spaghetti and rum. But panties? Nah
Really because I got kicked out the eagles game for running up n down the steps singing ' fly eagles fly ' then punched a Dallas fan in the face before the game even started..
I forgot that places existed where drinking on Sunday is frowned upon. It's just so unreasonable.
Just ushered a raccoon across the street so yeah.. Good night
You were definitely drunk. You gave him an otphj in front of everyone.
I woke up on a boat next to an extremely attractive man wearing nothing but a life jacket. Neither one of us owns a boat...
Yes. Life would be much easier if we had penises & could do whatever the fuck we want.
Never has jello made me angry to the point of drinking. But here I am.
Look, you're talking to the wrong girl here. Tacos>dick always and forever
I'm over here trying to figure out how to get shake shack delivered to my bed and Jamie is having a child
Randomize
