she came over and started getting naked and said its not like i came over to just hang out
youve hit the jackpot
I hope i woe up in your car, or else i stole someone elses and slept in the back seat
ew. I made a sandwich, and the cheese reminded me of her vagina
don't get me wrong, i love how you're fun and free spirited. but there are some situations...like shooting down a bottle of sambuca standing in the shallow end topless surrounded by my friends
Good thing you didnt wake up last night. Wouldve found me naked talking to my closet asking to borrow my towel.
Just saw a porn entitled "Nad Biter". Redheads are now forever out of the picture.
planned ethnic drinking holidays while bored at work thru next may. I don't suppose you have any scots or russian in you?
The cop told me to answer for everyone if there was drinking involved and then i threw up in my Luigi's italian ice that i was eating with a pizza slicer
Turned on my GPS and all that it said in the search bar was "beer,"
I'm gonna eat you out with that hat on so it looks like beaker's doing it. And I'm gonna go "memememememe"
Found a piece of twizzler in my buttcrack.
Took his shirt off. Announced he was Jesus. Threw up. Asked me to cuddle him to sleep. And then tried to kiss me. Typical Saturday night.
Was it you that ate my bacon or do I have to rip my roommate's face off?
If the smell of things stopped me from putting things in my mouth. I wouldn't be popular with Grindr guys.
Just had a threesome with my best friend and LSAT teacher...just checked three things off my bucket list in one night
Randomize
