she said "can't you just pull out and cum on my face? I hate scooping jizz out of my vag".
I'm assuming you texted me by mistake. you're not jizzing in or on me again, thanks for playing, douchebag.
She pulled a cheeseburger out of her purse. I have missed her so much.
I wish the iPhone would register texts from 11:59 as "Last Year" instead of "Yesterday."
20 yrs from now I just want to barge in her house and yell at her kids, "I took ur moms virginity!"
Is it obsessive that I keep picking my crazy sex rug burn scab so it leaves a scar I can remember him by?
So yeah she lost her virginity in a wheel chair with a broken pelvis. I'm still trying to figure out how I should feel about that.
You were such a shitshow...I was just standing in the kitchen eating my toaster strudel and you came in, whispered "you didn't see anything" and led him to the couch
He threw up the X he took like 30min before then when we thought his antics were over... BOOM! He tried to pee out a light he was holding.
Ugh I can't even look at alcohol this weekend, my body needs to heal.
Romantically speaking, I want to sit on his face.
what a fun peer-pressure-filled weekend
Yeah I'd rather get obliterated at home.
Same here. I'd like to ensure that I won't get pissed on.
Hey. You got pizza and sex. How much more can you ask for?
Never again will I go to my mom's side of the family's parties. After the bride and groom cut the head off the roasted pig together they boarded their RV and rode off into the sunset.
thanks for passing me through your vagina 20 years ago today. your the best
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