We're pretty sure the 'pocket' aspect of the hot pocket is unnecessary. Testing our theory now.
Just set all my clocks a minute apart. Now my 4:20 is longer by sixfold
well since you're still married, you will be paying for my abortion right?
I can't wait until next week, when I find out what drunk me added to the Netflix queue.
Im pretty sure he just said he wants to make a baby with me, but he's pretty shitfaced, so I'm not sure if he knows who I am.
Um yeah. I just puked. And found your contact.
I always "accidentally" drop a condom and make sure she sees it's a magnum. By the time I'm inside her and she realizes how small I am, it's all over in a flash and I'm done. Plus, they never call back so I never have to see the girl ever again. #gratefulforprematuretinypenis
how come you came home with "Amanda owns this" written on your forhead
Ok she stopped using her fork and knife and is legit eating that steak using her hands.
I appreciate your acceptance of my lack of morals
I just puked on a sprinkler…Motherfucker tried to spray me
I wish I was taller so I could give these boobs the publicity they deserve.
Way to fucking accidentally drunk dial me while you're talking to and buying other girls drinks. Don't call me.
Two questions: is there going to be a bathroom at this party, and can we fuck in it. This will define whether or not I enjoy going to parties with you.
I'll bring spiced rum
I am not drinking that devil juice
Randomize
