I Once took so much Ecstacy that I tried to hug a fire.
the beds are so narrow its like a jenga threesome
My roommate just did the walk of shame in last nights corset back to our room to find her dad there. THATS why i go to school out of state.
i may or may not have just grinded on your dog thinking it was my boyfriend
I HATE DRINKING WITH JUST GIRLS, ITS 1030 THEYRE ALL HAMMERED AND TALKING ABOUT HOW AWESOME THEIR SHOES ARE!!!!!!!
I was too drunk to read the menu, let alone her body language.
Only your wife would write 'for deposit only' on the back of that $1500 check knowing full and well our capabilities of spending it on strippers and booze
I'm at the local community college pretending to be a substitute for a computer applications class
wtf... you literally introduced yourself as "that friend who's going to fuck all your other friends."
I hope you know that means regardless of their gender.
It wasn't a great time! You grabbed me, picked me up, and make me pee in the sink!
Never thought I'd say this, but getting head from a skeleton was better than I thought. Happy Halloween
I told him to send me a dick snap for my birthday. To personalize it, he drew a candle coming out of the tip of it so I could blow it out.
I might as well just sew it shut at this point.
Now we just need to figure out why your underwear was in your bra
Sorry for not calling you back. I got drunk and passed out on the kitchen floor. I just found my phone in the shower.
Randomize
