he kept looking at my chin until i asked why, then he just said he was making sure his balls didnt leave a mark.
What kind of poor, pathetic town do we live in where a horny teenage girl is sitting in her basement on a saturday night, unlaid?
oh god was she eating orange peels again
remind me again why lemons and alcohol in the crock pot is a bad idea?
I think they make you graduate because you get too old to go hard and become a risk. homecoming weekend wins again. fuck.
She stopped laughing and kind of stared at the wall for a while. Then she did 3 somersaults and said she saw jesus. This weed is fucking fantastic.
Because everytime she talks to you she goes in her room and plays Come Sail Away on repeat. Can't take this shit anymore Jake
I just referred to our excessive fireball consumption as a team building exercise and everyone in group text agreed.
We're not alcoholics, we're a god damn team.
I was walking back to the dorm and was made fun of for wearing a coat. I'M SORRY I CARE ABOUT MY WELL BEING.
And on the first day of my adult job, I matched with one of my co workers on tinder...
I have so many feelings about this burrito
I've spent hours masturbating before. It's actually my favorite Sunday activity
I’ve developed a strange interest in ear wax removal vids on YouTube. Dear god, I need to get a job
I swear he is my soulmate. He kept feeding me goldfish while we were fucking. Who wouldn't enjoy that while having sex.
So, I almost went hone with a French guy and a drag queen. Together. Then I became sober enough to realize, that's not my style.
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