i passed out on the floor in my hallway and woke up with my dog licking himself 2 inches from my face. my first reaction? envy
i just found a bag of weed behind my capital one card. i guess that's what's in my wallet.
I just made $100 from people paying me not to get naked at the party... I need those P90X dvds
I know it may not be fiscally responsible to pregame fifty cent night, but I'm gonna go ahead and do it anyway.
you went all the way to UK and still managed to hook up with someone from our highschool...
Just smoked out of an apple with Steve Jobs. I love Halloween.
Naw, the sex dungeon had to come down so we could build a nursery. Cause and effect really.
I'm standing at the bottom of the driveway w a sign that says plow me
You crowd surfed from beer pong into the bathroom where you spent the rest of the night, also I have your wallet
Isn't it my whole life blown into this perfect spoon shaped piece of melted and artificially colored sand?
Wow.
Why isn't there a super hero that comes to the aide of really high kids when they kill their car battery?
I think my ball sweat smells like waffle house. might be time to change up drunken eating habits
she is like a cock bee. instead of going from flower to flower she goes from cock to cock
Side note: I just realized that I can make my hand warmers double as a heated push up bra.
Is it in poor taste to drop acid before midnight mass?
I love this.
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