Dude, totally just found out that I've been washing my hair with semen for the past 3 weeks.
I just got sparklers from my secret santa. Drunken sledding just got to a whole new level of dangerous
Hold on. She's wrapped herself in toilet paper and is scaring the dog.
Too many margaritas?
i knew it was going to be a good night when i was bleeding, licked it and it tasted like miller light
I have tardy slips. and absent slips if you don't show up to the bar. and trust me, if you are absent there will be a saturday school. I'm teaching you how to drink tonight.
He was going down on me as I discovered a spaghetti-O on my boob. Its been a while since I faked it.
That ACT prep teacher knew i was hung. I could see it in her eyes.
so i EARNED it!?! i EARNED dying alone with cats!!?
Came home plastered at 8am. Roommate had hot glued all the ashtrays and various items to their surfaces. Couldn't handle it. Went back to the bar.
The fact that I am laying in bed on my stomach with an ice pack on my rump is a clear indication that I am no longer in my carefree 20s
Apparently he got pepper spray on his dick. So he's a literal fire crotch.
You danced?!
I just jiggle to the beat like a sexy lava lamp
i spent most of my hangover doing the math to figure out the last of the alcohol would be metabolized from my system.
thank you pre-med degree.
I don't care that he's really strong. I need him to make me cum not fix my back problems
U NO SLUT. YOUR HEART IS JUST FREE.
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