Played the LOTR drinking game last night. Ended up in boxers running thru the lot at ross's place screaming "for frodo"
Drunk in a bar in Texas. The 24 y/o hottie I am chatting up just called me a male cougar. I am dealing with this whole turning 40 thing juuuust fine.
i always forget guys have bellybuttons
I never thought I would get head to the lion king soundtrack
I wish straight boys touched me the way gay boys do.
He booked us a hotel at a resort in cancun for sprng break... I just wanted to get laid this weekend when i was blackout i didnt know it was gonna spiral into a mess of events like a 5 month in advance commitment
Ya know, sometimes when he kisses me in public I want to scream "HE DRIVES A PORSCHE!" so people watching understand that I don't have low standards, I'm just very materialistic.
I really need to get laid. I'm telling at least 10 girls that I love them tonight.
Odds are at least 1 out of those 10 girls will be as crazy as you and will be into it.
Just talked to Laura, confirming that is my bra. Hope it goes well with the rest of your wall decorations.
Imagine getting smashed in the dick by a basketball. A basketball made of metal. With spikes. That's pretty much what his dick looked like.
My mind just played a snippet of me asking to be a Joey and trying to climb into your apron pocket...
Please tell me you're not playing strip poker with your cousins again
its gotten to the point where if her hand isn't on my butt i think we're in a fight
Just got to Evans to buy weed. His mom showed up unannounced. Now the three of us are chillen. Super.
OMG MY DAD TOLD ME HE MIGHT DO TINDER
Randomize
