well. it's seven AM and i'm too high to hula hoop.
I wanna tell red shirt guy I'm pregnant and use the abortion money for Coachella.
Robbie told me you spent 10 mins discussing the curl in his hair and that you said "with that curl in your hair, you'll go far"
You threw a hot dog at his face...I wouldn't call you either.
Just proof I should've brought the airhorn with me to class.
I've been practicing for you. Including stockpiling medical supplies for curing hangovers.
at that time a 4 pound meatball stuffed with pizza rolls seemed more important than bailing you out of jail.... sorry.
Pretty sure that I got the MVP of wedding reception... woke up on the bench in the hallway of a hotel and we did NOT start the night there.
Best oral ever, hands down so to speak. but I'm starting to want to meet that lesbian truck driver he says he's better than. Just for comparison purposes of course.
you kept saying "i will not *breathe* regret this *breathe* in the morning *breathe* i just gotta remember *breathe* to BREATHE"
Our friendship just got weirder. He snapchated me the porn he was watching.
A shark bit my leg in the Gulf of Mexico well me and the T were banging so look for it in the papers
As your friend, who loves and cares for you, I have to be honest. I am judging you so VERY hard right now. Sorry.
Why do I always have at least 8 men with whom I am conducting some sort of poorly planned love experiment?
you know you're doing something right when your drug dealer insists on hugging you before you leave.
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