his balls ACTUALLY tasted like nuts
you didnt have any toilet paper so I just took a shower
Dude!! Mom just asked me why you have 'boobies' hahaha
I hate my life
She just sent me a picture of a heart. I need to stop fucking freshman...
I found it funny that her boobs actually kinda felt like a bag of sand. the 40 year old virgin should feel better about himself.
I don't know if it was the room or her, but as soon as the pants came off, it smelt like a locker room and old man farts.
Dude you should see the looks were getting for ordering a pitcher of beer with breakfast.
The best part is that he made someone stop their workout to take pictures of him, specifically so he could put them on facebook. That is an unparalleled level of douchebaggery.
I'll be a little late, "getting ready for the party" turned into "smoking a bowl and doing lines in my room for an hour and a half." But I'm on my way now. With coke. And weed.
It took him three days to realize his roommate had moved out.
You played a drinking game to fat people crying. It's a long climb to the moral high ground, why bother?
And you are going to be so turned on by my batman skills later
My aunt asked how many piercings I had and my mom said seven and I said nine and that's how my family found out I had my nipples pierced.
Also I will be receiving my own bra in the mail because I left it at his place, woops
i told you i was taking the Metra Train, and you asked what type of drug that was.. so yes i believe you when you say you were fucked up
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