Did he leave or is he still there?
He left right away, I might have passed out. I saw your text and was like who left where? Then the oh shit feeling sunk in, hangover starting now.
Question: terrible or awesome when a girl give you head so vigorously that you get a hickey of sorts
we are cooking lunchables pizzas on a fire pit.
I walked outside out to find her peeing in her toga with a cigar in one hand and her thong in the other
If I can't get a one-legged man to love me, what the hell chance do I have with a NORMAL guy???
You spend 45 minutes trying to convince that pregnant girl you were with all night to have sex with you cause 'the worst had already happened.'
regular news: took many shots of tequila.....bad news: woke up with a toothbrush and vagisil next to me.....good news: clean as a whistle
Yeah I don't remember why I went to the hospital though but I just called and they have my wallet
Ok, gonna go sleep cuz my brain wants to be smart and not follow my pussy into the danger zone
I need to establish a pattern of dominance early.... I'm like a slutty Cesar Milan
Poorly worded request for dick pic resulted in stoned beanie selfies and "lol". Miscommunication is the devil's cock block.
And then she said "wanna make a vine of me twerking on the wall?"
When I wake up, please remind me why my shoe is in the toilet, my shower is filled with jello, and there is a naked girl sleeping on my coffee table holding a bag of Cheetos. that is all.
I'm tryna think of an appropriate time to say "when I suck other dicks they seem like training dicks compared to yours" but I really can't think of a good way to say that
She was shaving her legs in the neighbors pool when we found her.
Where'd she get the razor?
Not the point.
Randomize
