Hey you
You're the only one I'll text back during sex. what's up?
I woke up and my panties were thumbtacked to his wall. Out of my reach.
he threw mangos from the tree he was in at people and got arrested for harassment
If you liked it then you shoulda put your dick in it, oh uh uh oh
Please dont jizz on my ds screen.
I love online classes. Spent the last part of my lecture taking apart a teabag and filling it with weed.
he used his one phone call on me and it said "you have a collect call from- LETS GET IT- at the montgomery county jail".
i should probably find things i have in common with someone besides drinking, before having sex with them
If i pass out for a while at graduation, please atleast TRY to wake me?
I'll always remember 2012 as the year I hooked up with countless girls who had the sides of their heads shaved.
You know it's time to do the dishes when you take shots of water out of a sake glass...
And you wonder why you're always one of the guys?
I just heard myself say the sentence "I'm gonna go to the bank then take a nap". 8 year old me just slapped my present self through the space-time continuum for being an old fuck.
I behisseth at your soul from the deepest darkest depths of the earth
just called AAA to get my keys out of me car and then afterwards realized they were in my pocket...stoner life
OH MY GOD I AM DYING. AS I WAS TEXTING I JUST BUMPED INTO A MOTHER FUCKING DEER. I AM SHAKING
Wait...Literally? You hit a deer...with your body?!
I PHYSICALLY RAN INTO IT. I FELT ITS WEIRD HAIR AND I EVEN APOLOGIZED CAUSE IT DINDT REGISTER THAT IT WASNT A PERSON. MORTIFIED.
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