So remember when i bet you that girl uses dick to validate her existence?
...yea
She's valid.
Lowest moment of my life just occurred. I literally threw up all over myself in front of my parents.
just heard this guy tell a story about how he got boat head. i want his life
I just got licked by a stripper, not so great anymore.
I woke up this morning in the house, I didn't realize it was physically possible to duct tape a person to the wall...
Lesson of the night: never take shots out of a bottle you found under a couch in a frat house. I have no idea where I am
but im not going to tell the owner of the penis of my dreams how to wear his hair.
I'm not so good at organized events that don't revolve around whiskey or playgrounds.
I hope you get some kind or rare disease that makes your dick ties itself in a knot for fucking her you lucky bastard.
Is it normal that every guy I hook up with tells me my hair is sexy as it's happening? Like that can't be normal
Eye drops are like seatbelts of being high. Think about it
Is there a polite/non-lush way to ask how alcohol ranks on their list of priorities? Because like idk how to break the ice furreal.
you are singlehandedly the most cursed object the universe ever conceived
Had a vaginal orgasm. I feel like I made sex my bitch.
I missed you last night. I'm sure he will never forget the night i sang my heart will go on into his penis like a microphone
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