I found a girl on our couch wearing lederhosen this mornig... I dont know if i should be impressed or ashamed
she made my bed before she left. i think i'm gonna keep banging her to get the housework done
I just got over my period in 3 days...I believe that is god's way of saying "go fuck an amazingly attractive Italian boy on vacation"
I'm sorry to inform you but your friends with benefits card has expired has the beginning of the year. If you wish to renew your card you must submit a picture of a fully erect penis. Please note that not all request for a FWB card is accepted.
We found a swing set....it's in the front yard.
So awkward... The newspaper lady just caught me sitting stoned in my driveway at 5 am and asked if I was okay. I'm way better than ok right now
then she kicked a hole in her own door and the next thing you know, brian's walking up to her room with power tools. in no condition to use them
It was almost as bad as the time I peed on the floor of the Pentagon's subway station.
If you die first, I'm going to sleep with a pallbearer at your funeral.
It's not so much that I'm giving her money because I threw up on her floor. It's more like I'm paying her to never ever mention it again.
i've written a new chapter in the saga of unexpected dongs
I never forget a pussy, even blackout me gives me that memory.
YOU TRIED TO SWIM IN HER FISHTANK. I don't think she's going to call you.
He made the moves first, we made out...then we folded his laundry.
My sweat smells like Wild Turkey. I'm really feeling the holiday spirit.
Randomize
